Last week I read a Facebook post by Elizabeth Gilbert about shame and especially tribal shaming.
From Elizabeth's post:
A tribe being your family, your religion, your neighborhood, your nationality, your culture, etc.
Simply put: Our tribe of origin tells us who we are.
Our tribe tells us what to believe and how to behave.
Each tribe is governed by its own rules. These rules constitute the honor code that defines every tribe’s essence....
You can find Elizabeth’s post at http://on.fb.me/1E0abLL It is a long post but it is worth your time to read it all. She also explains how to step out of the shame circle. (You don’t have to be on Facebook to read it.)
Her post resonated deeply with me and coincided with stories I have heard from women I work with.
One woman told me, that she went to a potluck supper in her neighbourhood after a year of experiencing multiple loses and lots of healing work. It took her a lot of strength to step out and join. But then people wouldn’t speak to her. They would avoid being near her and one person even said in a loud voice, that she was surprised to see her at the event. My client got the message: "Shouldn’t you be at home grieving?” first she felt angry and then she felt ashamed. In this instance all her strength and trust that she had built disappeared. It took her a while to step out again.
The tribe we have been born in, the one we live in will determine rules that define the tribe’s essence. If we step outside the rules we might face adversity and puzzled looks.
We might even feel ashamed that we don’t fit in anymore.
What if your tribe supports the following rules:
- Grief is something private and shouldn’t be shared.
- A mother that has lost her child will never be happy again.
- A woman that has lost her husband and is still grieving after 2 years is a drama queen.
- Grief is something we share and heal together.
- A mother’s grief is sacred and we welcome her returning smile into the world.
- Grief is unique and we accept that everyone is different and that there is no time frame.
In her post Elizabeth Gilbert explains how to overcome our shame and live more healthy and happy again. http://on.fb.me/1E0abLL
(I am not affiliated with her in any way. I just felt that she shares a very important message for all of us.)
Take good care on your healing path.
Love and blessings,