When I work with clients various feelings come up for them and they are never the same for any one.
Jackie explains,
"After my mother died, I felt an inexplicable push to create a book about grief. Words couldn't possibly capture the mess I felt, and so I used illustrations. The process of making the illustrations was deeply painful because it required me to face and capture every inch of my aching heart. There were weeks and even months that I couldn't work on the book because it hurt too much. I finally forced myself to finish the book by working on it daily and setting timers that counted how many minutes I had to sit there. My intention was to create a book that normalized the mess of grief and reached out to others who felt alone. I wanted to do this because I felt so alone. What I never expected was the joy that Grief is a Mess would bring back to me. Whenever someone points to an illustration in the book and says, "That's how I feel!" it's as if my soul connects with another. Every time I share the book with others, stories inevitably come pouring out that help me to see I am not alone. The book gently opens the door to conversations about grief and affords me the opportunity to connect with others on a topic that once was difficult to express. I never expected such richness to come into my life, especially not from something that originated in the mess that is grief."
 In my last post I told you about my pending surgery and my fear of losing control. In the end I just feel very humbled by the care and support I received. Yes, I had to give up control but at the same time I received the care and expertise of doctors and nurses that knew what to do when I felt nauseated by the medications or overwhelmed by getting out of bed for the first time. (smile) Friends and family were there for me with their healing thoughts and wonderful food. (smile) I am still recovering and I am taking one day at a time. I focus on what is most important at each moment like relationships with friends, family and clients, and the love I feel for life itself. I will take care of myself by balancing my activities, take even more time in nature, and by incorporating the advices I give my clients: (smile)
How do you feel when you open up to receive? Please share your thoughts with me. I will be happy to make time for you. (smile) Blessings, Jacqueline  I hope your New Year has started well.
Mine is already coming to a big halt tomorrow. (smile) I will have a minor surgery (so the doctors and nurses assure me) and will then be at home for at least three weeks recuperating. While everything was rolling along quite nicely I realized that an unease has taken over my soul. This is the first time in my life that I am the one in the hospital bed. I have always been on the other side. Helping others with good humour, supportive silence, advocating for their well-being if necessary, holding their hand, or giving them therapeutic touch. This time it will be me receiving. I realize that it is much easier for me to give. The biggest fear comes from giving up control, trusting in the medical staff and their judgment. I feel humbled to have worked with so many people over the years that trusted me and my knowledge when they needed help. Sure they didn't have to give up control but they said yes to a process they didn't know where exactly it would lead them and where open to be guided through various creative steps. I will honour them by not giving into my fear. Instead taking my own advice, breathe deeply and accept all the healing thoughts that people have been sending me. Do you have a story to tell where you had the feeling you are losing control? What did you do to overcome your fear? Would you like to share your strategies? It would be great to hear what helped you to overcome fear. From my heart to yours, Jacqueline PS: I will be back end of January. (smile)  Candles, chorals, green needle branches with red ribbons, every day little gifts till Christmas Eve, and the smell of cookies being freshly backed. This is what I remember from my childhood.
What I am missing most next to my mother is the home baked Christmas cookies. My mother was a master in cooking and baking and we always helped kneading, decorating and eating them as we went along. I am a strong believer in rituals and the comfort they can give you. Every year I am falling short on my ‘would like to do’ rituals before Christmas. (smile) With it comes often the feeling that I am letting my mother down by not continuing her legacy she had instilled in us. While I’m writing this I realize that the memories of her and her way of bringing light, humor, and warmth into my life comforts me to this day. Perhaps you and I have to become still. Instead of stepping into a rush of activity it might be better just to reflect on these warm and beautiful moments that we shared with our loved ones. It might become a new ritual to talk about all the things my mother did to make Christmas special. (smile) Do you want to give it a try as well? Let me know how it went. From my heart to yours, Jacqueline |
