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 Today I take you in my arms and hold you in a gentle hug. A hug that includes all the loved ones we are missing today. A hug that might send a smile to your lips while thinking of them. A hug that gives you warmth and understanding for the pain in your heart. I am here for you. Take good care, Jacqueline  I work with my art therapy clients in person or online by Skype if they live far away or don’t feel they can make it out of the house that day. When I help a client navigate through their grieving process in person we meet at the art studio. The studio is a good size and the windows give the room a feel of lightness. The room is separated from the other artist studios on the same floor. If one laughs out loud others outside the studio might hear it in the hallway. One day after one of the Healing for Grieving Hearts sessions one of the artists, that knows about the work I do, said: “I was so surprised to hear laughter coming out of the studio. Don’t you work with grieving people?" I was surprised that she would just assume, that when navigating through the process of grief, that humour and laughter would not be a part of it. If you have met me in person, you know that humour is a big part of my personality. (smile) If one of my clients tells a funny story about the loved one that has died then we laugh together. Why wouldn’t we? It isn’t that we are making fun of them. The opposite, we acknowledge all sides of their life by sharing these too. Grieving doesn’t have to be all tears and gloom. Yes, there are times that humour won’t cut it, then a joke does not support a broken heart, and the soul winces thinking of being around cheerful people. But then, who doesn’t have a funny story to tell about their loved one? No really, seriously, who doesn’t? I wonder what would happen if we all would start to talk more about those stories and have a good laugh until the tears of humour and sadness tumble down our cheeks? I wonder. …and you? Sending you healing with a smile, Jacqueline  Heal your grief. Walk in Nature. You have heard me saying this many times. Walking in nature can have a healing impact. My tendency when I feel stuck in my thoughts is to get busy and take on more work than I can handle. This goes on until my body tells me it is enough. I will get a sore throat or, like last week, my back will start to hurt. These are my weak points. They are telling me to take a moment and reflect. It also happens because by being busy I have forgotten to move. I am not doing my ten minute yoga practice and I don’t go for regular walks. So after I had ‘suffered’ and taken pain killers all week. On Sunday, I decided it was enough and I started to do gentle yoga moves every time I felt the pain in my back. Breathing a lot and yes, swearing was involved too, because it hurt. Today I went on a half hour walk in a nearby park. The smells in the forest were uplifting and wonderful. It was a concoction of decaying leaves, needle and sap from the evergreens, and wet earth. I feel so much better today. I know it has to do with movement and the experience in nature this afternoon. I can still feel where the pain was but it is so much better. Do you think a walk in nature could help your grieving heart too? I know it won’t take away all your hurt but it might just give you a bit of comfort. Don’t wait for the right moment. Just get dressed and go for a half hour walk even if it is in your own backyard. Be outside, take in the smell of the fall season, and let nature do its healing. I am sending you healing love. Take good care, Jacqueline  I am always looking for ways that could help you with your unique grieving process. You might like to join a grief support group, want to be alone, like to step into a guided grieving process with a therapist, or travel the world to find healing. There is no right or wrong way, only your unique grieving process. I discovered a new possibility that might be of interest to you if you don’t already know it. It is the Death Cafe. Death Cafes encourage people to meet in coffee shops to discuss anything and everything to do with the subject of death, which is still a taboo in our culture. A month ago, I joined a Death Cafe group in Halifax, Nova Scotia. I was curious to see what it was all about and how it might help the healing process. I checked their website first: A Death Cafe is a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes. It is a discussion group rather than a grief support or counselling session. The aim is to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives. About 16 people gathered at a local coffee shop* to talk about death over a cup of tea or coffee. As a new member I felt immediately welcomed due to the shared interest, respect and the openness of all group members. I was not the only new person in the circle that day. We shared:
There was a lot of empathy, encouragement, and openness to everyones concerns and stories. I will go back for sure. If you feel inspired to see if there is a Death Cafe in your neighbourhood you can check the Death Cafe website at or your local Meetup listings. Let me know what you think about the concept of the Death Cafe. If you would like personal help please let me know. We can arrange a free call so that you can move forward on your unique healing path. Take good care, Jacqueline * Halifax, NS: Just Us Coffee shop at Spring Garden Road, first Thursday of the month from 12 - 1:30 p.m. PS: I am not affiliated in any way with Death Cafe. What clients say about the program:
Jacqueline's Healing for Grieving Hearts program was an oasis in my life at a time when I was grieving two losses: the loss of a beloved pet, and the loss of a significant relationship (through conflict, not death). Jacqueline's caring presence and guidance, together with the exercises she created for me, created a safe space to voice and explore my difficult feelings. I loved how the exercises helped me get out of my head, and into the truth in my heart. Through the program, I found peace and clarity, and a renewed sense of direction in my life. ~ K. Nova Scotia  Summer has moved on and Fall has started in earnest today or at least it was cold enough to remind me of what will come.
 In my last post I gave you the advice to take time off. So that you could get away from your grief, from the overwhelm of your feelings by going on a vacation that could be an hour, a day, or even a week. I still stand to the notion that you might want to start to add activities to your day that nurture you, that uplift your soul and make you smile. You might have thought that this is difficult. You are right. Stepping away from your grief consciously is hard - even for just a moment. My vacation lead me to Switzerland. I was stepping away from my everyday responsibilities but little did I know about my own feelings. When I arrived in Switzerland I felt being pulled into my grief. There are too many places that are filled with memories of my mother. I was surprised how those feelings just flooded towards me. So much for stepping away. (smile) It was important to me to follow these feelings and to talk about my mother with relatives and friends. The biggest healing part for me was a boat trip up the Lake of Zurich. To the island where we had celebrated my mother’s life and scattered her ashes into the lake like she had wished. It was one of this wonderful clear days with the mountains visible at the horizon and the sun beaming. I was glad to be alone on this trip with my mother residing inside my heart. She had always loved boat trips on the lake. Yes, stepping away from your grief is hard although by doing it you connect with your resilience. You connect with your life force that is deeply embedded in you and wants to be nurtured to show itself. What is an activity or place that helps you? Please don’t hesitate to get in touch if you would like to find a clear answer. Take good care, Jacqueline  At a networking event last week a woman told me that she had looked after her mother for the last couple of years. Her mother had Alzheimer's. She had to say good-bye to the mother that had raised her, to the friend that had been there for her when no-one else was, to the laughter and hardships of life they had shared. The strong woman she had known disappeared before her eyes. Going through that process she grieved all these parts of their life together. She said good-bye to her mother in many ways over the years. A few months back her mother died. Her friends tell her that she is now finally able to grief the loss of her mother. She told me that it was not grief that she was feeling. “I’m in a state of healing after all the years of saying good-bye. Finally I’m able to heal.” In that instance, I could feel the love she shared with her mother and the joy of her soul that she spoke her truth. Wherever you are on your healing path take one step at the time to move forward. You are healing. What is it you need to move from overwhelming grief to a calmer state of healing? If you feel OK to share your experience please do so in the comments. You might just help someone else. Take good care, Jacqueline PS: If the tears don't stop and you need a compassionate and listening person outside your usual circle of friends and family I'm here. I offer you a free Grief Relief call. You will find clarity, release stagnant feelings, and move towards healing. Please get in touch by email jacqueline(at)healingforgrievinghearts.com or phone at +1-902-237-5011 to schedule a convenient time.  In my last post I told you about my pending surgery and my fear of loosing control. In the end I just feel very humbled by the care and support I received. Yes, I had to give up control but at the same time I received the care and expertise of doctors and nurses that knew what to do when I felt nauseated by the medications or overwhelmed by getting out of bed for the first time. (smile) Friends and family were there for me with their healing thoughts and wonderful food. (smile) I am still recovering and I am taking one day at a time. I focus on what is most important at each moment like relationships with friends, family and clients, and the love I feel for life itself. I will take care of myself by balancing my activities, take even more time in nature, and by incorporating the advices I give my clients: (smile)
How do you feel when you open up to receive? Please share your thoughts with me. I will answer each email. I will be happy to make time for you. (smile) Blessings, Jacqueline  I hope your New Year has started well.
Mine is already coming to a big halt tomorrow. (smile) I will have a minor surgery (so the doctors and nurses assure me) and will then be at home for at least three weeks recuperating. While everything was rolling along quite nicely I realized that an unease has taken over my soul. This is the first time in my life that I am the one in the hospital bed. I have always been on the other side. Helping others with good humour, supportive silence, advocating for their well-being if necessary, holding their hand, or giving them therapeutic touch. This time it will be me receiving. I realize that it is much easier for me to give. The biggest fear comes from giving up control, trusting in the medical staff and their judgment. I feel humbled to have worked with so many people over the years that trusted me and my knowledge when they needed help. Sure they didn't have to give up control but they said yes to a process they didn't know where exactly it would lead them and where open to be guided through various creative steps. I will honour them by not giving into my fear. Instead taking my own advice, breathe deeply and accept all the healing thoughts that people have been sending me. Do you have a story to tell where you had the feeling you are losing control? What did you do to overcome your fear? Would you like to share your strategies? It would be great to hear what helped you to overcome fear. From my heart to yours, Jacqueline PS: I will be back end of January. (smile)  I am wishing you a happy and healthy New Year. I am wishing you... that you will find the answers to your questions, the support that you need in difficult moments, the time for your self-care, the courage to reach out to others when you need help or a laugh, and lots of time in nature to breathe, walk, be, and hug a tree. My blessings to you and yours, Jacqueline |
AuthorJacqueline Steudler is an Art Therapist and Grief Recovery Specialist®. Categories
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