Blog Posts

My Garden Is My Happy Place

6/5/2018

Spring at last in Nova Scotia.

If you are not in these parts at home you might wonder why I declare spring only now.

Spring starts for me when the first leaves come out on a particular tree in our backyard.
Today, it happened.

The first leaves are out. They are small and fragile. The lush green is so wonderful to see - again.

A sunny warm day brought me out into the garden to tackle all kinds of weed. It is a hands-on job on my knees. It is not always comfortable to hunker down like that but the smell.

The smell of the fresh earth and the green gras just make my heart sing.

I was reminded again how important it is to dig in the earth. To take in the smells, and letting long forgotten memories pass me by while doing my work.

I felt tired afterwards but also rewarded and happy.

Did you know that multiple studies have shown how playing in the dirt can have a drastic impact on our mental health?

Here is a great short article by Alanna Ketler

So get out there if you feel a bit down. If you don’t have a garden yourself go to a public garden and put your hands into the soil.

Take off your shoes and walk the ground.

Have fun playing and getting dirty. (smile)

Take good care,

Jacqueline

What matters to me most? It is the ones that I love.

22/4/2018

It has been two weeks of emotional stress. A good friend was so kind to bring me a plant as a late birthday gift.

What we both didn't realize or knew was that it can be a fatal idea to bring a lily into a household with pets.

Our cat got sick. First we didn't realize how serious it was. She vomited. She had the shakes. And then she stopped eating.

That was the moment I took her to the vet. When I told the doctor about all the symptoms she immediately asked: Do you have any lilies in your household?

The answer was unfortunately yes.

The blood and kidney levels had to be checked. The results were bad. I had to bring our cat to the emergency clinic. And she had to stay there for two days on IV fluids to flush out the toxins.

Then she came home and every night we had to put her back on the drip to get 150 ml under her skin. (Not a pleasant experience for all of us.)

Our cat is now much better and soon we can stop the regular IV drip. She does eat normal again and is enjoying the outside.

Why do I tell you this story?

The anticipatory grief was sometimes overwhelming. Blaming myself that I didn't know about the harm lilies can cause didn't help either.

I was reminded how fast a life can be lost. How fast a situation can change. That I can't keep everyone safe.

It also made me realize again what matters to me most. It is the ones that I love.

If you know what I mean go and give your loved ones a hug.

Tell them that you love them.

And keep lilies away from pets.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

PS: Do you know how many poisonous house plants there are? Here is an impressive list.

Do I Need To Pay Attention To My Resilience?

8/4/2018

Your-Resilience-Grows-With-You-Healing-For-Grieving-Hearts

Resilience has been on my mind lately again.

Psychologically resilience is defined as
an individual’s ability to adapt to stress and adversity.

Some of the factors that make someone resilient are:

a positive attitude
optimism
flexibility in thinking
the ability to regulate emotions
the ability to see failure as a form of helpful feedback
a believe in oneself
to take responsibility for one’s life
seek good relationships
acceptance of self, others, and life

Even after misfortune, resilient people are blessed with such an outlook that they are able to change course and carry on.

This does not mean that you just have to think positively and everything will fall into place.
Resilience is much more than that.

After a tragedy, like an illness that changes a career one might be very realistic and deal with the new situation by adjusting her possibilities.

Another person might go on and pursue a dream they didn’t think was worth taking seriously before the tragic event.

A third will find new meaning because they believe that there is a better future.

Resilient people don’t walk between the raindrops; they have scars to show for their experience. They struggle — but keep functioning anyway. Resilience is not the ability to escape unharmed.
Quote by Hara Estroff Marano

And the following quote in regards to grief sums it up quite well.

If one has always met life’s problems with strength and assurance, it is reasonable to assume that he [she] will meet this experience the same way. One who has been easily distressed by circumstances may be so disturbed by the encounter with death that he [she] will need guidance and special help.
- Edgar N. Jackson

We forme resilience over a lifetime.

In reality we have considerable capacity for strength, although we might not always be aware of it. Feelings of loss and grief can overshadow our ability of resilience.

That is where a helping hand of a friend or a therapist comes in. She will remind you of your resilience, your strength and your abilities. He will help you overcome the sadness that overshadows them.

Sometimes you need others to show you your strength that you have built over a life time.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

Why is it difficult to find the right words?

25/3/2018

The last three months have been full of losses for friends and family members.

An accumulation of loss and death was happening.

It made it difficult to be there for every one.

Despite all my knowledge of loss, grief, and support I found myself at a loss for words sometimes.

It was also the repetition of my words that made me feel unsupportive.

Instead I started to write cards and hope that they conveyed my heartfelt support better.

Do you remember awkward moments when you were in the midst of your grief?

Someone reaches out to you.
Only afterwards, you feel more alone than before?

Why is it so difficult to find the right words?

Is it because we have not learned how to empathize with a grieving friend?

Is it because some of our own grief is still lingering making it difficult to be there for others?

And still.

If you are grieving it is important to reach out to others.

To open yourself up to heal.

Perhaps you can forgive your fellow grief travellers for their helplessness and awkward words.

In any case.

Be brave!

Reach out to others.

Get the comfort you need to heal your broken heart.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

PS: If you celebrate Easter and wonder how to get through these holidays have a look at the following posts I wrote about holidays. You can adapt everything to any holiday.

Do You Have A Safe Space to Express Your Grief?

11/3/2018

Yesterday, I read this touching article by Sarah Kravits here. She explains how her car became her griefmobile.

I like that expression. It conveys not only a place to grief but also the movement that our grief and feelings go through.

In short; Sarah Kravits explains how her car became the place where she feels safe to express her grief for her brother that was killed by a drunken driver.

A song on the radio, or a similar car like her brother drove, can trigger her grief.

I’m still not sure why I don’t grieve much around other people; I don’t seem to have much control over that choice, so I accept it. I am grateful for the on-demand safe space my Griefmobile offers. I keep a box of tissues between the front seats. - Sarah Kravits

Can you relate to her story?

I can.

I have encountered times when being on the road listening to music a song comes on that transports me back in time. I am in the car with my healthy mother before dementia took her away piece by piece and before she died.

I remember deep and meaningful discussions. Silly and humorous moments we shared on our car journeys together.

Sometimes that memory overflows with love. And the next moment, I am driving while crying my heart out.

Other times I just want to scream - and between us - I do.

My car is a safe space where I can sing, laugh, cry, and scream whenever I want.

Just a word of caution; Don’t scream in your car while parked in a parking lot with lots of people around. (smile)

Last night I was on Netflix (yes, I do that too). In the movie, a mother had lost her son and sat for hours in her car listening to his iPod. It made her feel safe and close to her son.

We all need a safe space where we can express our feelings without judgement.

It is OK to use your car as your griefmobile.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

PS: Give me a call. I am here for you. ☎️

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My Garden Is My Happy Place

What matters to me most? It is the ones that I love.

Do I Need To Pay Attention To My Resilience?

Why is it difficult to find the right words?

Do You Have A Safe Space to Express Your Grief?

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