Blog Posts

Lifting layers of grief through art therapy?

17/9/2017

Art making opens your soul and expresses what was waiting deep inside. HealingForGrievingHearts.com

When we are grieving if feels like our brain shuts down. Our focus shifts to the hurt in our heart and soul.

Our normal thought processes are interrupted by the experience of our feelings. More often than not we don’t have any words for what we feel. Our heart clenches. We have difficulties breathing. We long for a moment of peace and quiet inside our torn hearts.

In our younger years we have experienced loss of love and belonging before. We might have lost a pet, a friendship, a job, or had to move to a new city. Our younger self dealt with these loses. Most often it stored them and packed them away under layers of belief systems, we created, to survive the hurt.

At one point we encounter a new loss. This one can become the straw that brakes the camel’s back.

Talking about what is going on inside becomes difficult. We are missing the words that might bring us help.

This is where art therapy can help because we all think in images.

Experiment:

Don’t think of a tree right now.

No really, don’t think of a tree.

Did you see a tree with your inner eye when you read it?

Art therapy uses our ability of visual imagery to help us find the expression of our feelings. We don’t have to be artists or have knowledge of art making to do so. Our soul will guide us to find the expression that is helping us the most in that very moment. It will help us to shed layers of sadness and believes that are not necessary anymore.

By expressing our grief, our sadness, our heart break in a hands-on art making process the soul feels recognized and heard. The healing process starts.

If you want to know more about art therapy and how it can help you, give me a call.

I am here for you.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

PS: Want to receive these Healing Notes every second Sunday by email? Sign up now.

Is there comfort in sharing your memories of your loved one?

3/9/2017

Life teaches you resilience - that ability to bounce back. Kate Reardon - HealingForGrievingHearts.com

Would you say that you are a resilient person? That you find comfort by remembering your loved one while grieving his/her death?

It seems a bit odd to say that there might be a hidden comfort when you are in the middle of grief.

“However, resilient people seem generally to find comfort in talking about or thinking about the deceased. They can feel happy or at peace by doing so,”
writes George Bonanno in his book The Other Side of Sadness

I agree with him.
By talking and remembering your loved one, you add comfort to your difficult journey. You will experience that your relationship is not completely gone. Or even that some part of it is still alive.

Are you one of these people? Does the sharing of memories help and comfort you?

If not, try to start with little steps to activate your resilience. Talk about and share the stories of your loved one. Remember your relationship and share it with your friends or in a bereavement group.

If you feel like you cannot hold on to the positive memories, or like the memories are lost, find a friend or family member. Let them share their stories about your loved one. This will help you both. 💜

Take good care,
Jacqueline

PS: Want to receive the Healing Notes by email. Join now!

“What is it about summer that I am missing my husband even more?”

20/8/2017

Self-care is how you take your power back. Lalah Delia - HealingforGrievingHearts.com

“What is it about summer that I am missing my husband even more?”

This is a question a friend asked me the other day.
Her question didn’t surprise me.

In summer, everyone seems to be out and about and having a great time with family and friends. No one seems to worry about things. Everyone is in a good mood and happy.

If you mourn the loss of a loved one the activity around you can make you even more sad. It shows you what has been. It shows you what could have been.

It is sometimes difficult not to get overwhelmed by pain when so much is happening around you. You might even feel pressure that you should be the same happy summer person you were before.

What to do, you ask?

Create a day where you look back at all the memories of fun times with your loved one.
Where they always during the summer?
What were the places you went together?
What were the activities?

Talk to your friends about it. Is there an activity that you miss and would like to take on again with one of your friends? Let them know you need their support.

You could also create a mini retreat in your home to get away from the summer crowd. Read a book, watch your favourite movies, cry, sing in the shower, and cook your favourite food. Care for yourself.

Let me know what you think and what helps you. I love to learn from you.

Take good (self-) care,
Jacqueline

PS: Give me a call. I am here for you. ☎️
This free offer is open to former Healing for Grieving Hearts clients too.

Do you communicate with your loved one?

6/8/2017

Continue Your Conversation - HealingForGrievingHearts.com

August 5th is the anniversary of my mother’s death. Every year I drive out to the coast of Peggy’s Cove. A place she enjoyed very much when she visited. Near by is a memorial that offers a beautiful look over the ocean. It has a serene feel to it and is dedicated to a Swissair flight and its passengers that lost their lives near by in the Atlantic, 19 years ago.

Just off the memorial is a path that leads towards the ocean. I always take it to get away from the hustle and bustle at the memorial during the tourist season. The smooth rounded rocks invite to sit and journal. (smile)

While sitting above the ocean I have a conversation with my mother which I write down as a letter. It helps me to reflect and share with her like we used to do. It always brings a feeling of calmness and strength.

So yesterday, sitting just a few meters beside the path leading down to the ocean I realized that more and more people took the path down to get closer to the Ocean.

Black rocks just off the surf show that the waves swap over on a regular basis. Locals know better than to get on these rocks because there can be rogue waves. These waves form underneath the surface and have surprised people standing on the rocks. They are forceful and have taken lives in the past.

While I was sitting there I heard my mother’s voice inside. “Tell them!”

I knew immediately what she meant. For the rest of the time I was there I stopped people on their way down with the words: “Excuse me, are you local?” If yes, I said: “Then you know about the black rocks and the rogue waves?” If not, I explained the danger on the black rocks.

It was interesting to see the reactions. Some were dismissive, some were grateful, and some got into a nice conversation.

The interactions were a great addition to my time there.

In the evening I contemplated on the day. I remembered how my mother drove me nuts sometimes. Stopping strangers in a Mall or on the street, starting a conversation about this or that. (smile) For my, at the time, child ears insignificant conversations but important to her.

Do you communicate with your loved one too?
What are your experiences?
I would love to hear your stories.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

PS: Give me a call. I am here for you. ☎️
This free offer is open to former Healing for Grieving Hearts clients too.

Finding your next step in life after loss

16/7/2017

Give yourself the support system you need. It might include asking for help. -HealingForGrievingHearts.com

It isn’t easy to find the next step in life when you experience overwhelming grief. The sadness and despair over the death of your loved one might sometimes feel unbearable. Hang in there.

Scenario 1
Your loved one was a part of your next steps. You had dreams and plans for the future together. There was a gentle understanding between the two of you what would come next. Now that she/he is gone you have no future steps to take.

Scenario 2
Your loved one was not in agreement with your vision of the future. Still you tried to move both of you to that dream of yours. You negotiated and fought for it. Now that he/she is gone you have no further steps to take.

Both scenarios leave you behind with unfulfilled wishes and dreams. Dreams and wishes that were directly linked to your loved one. No matter if it was a struggle or not. You might also feel regret that you didn’t move faster. That you waited too long because you didn’t know that your time together would be cut short.

Now what?

The next step is something that only you can take. It will be a step of mourning these wishes and dreams as well as the loss of your loved one.

Yes, it is a whole life that you had envisioned that has gone as well with the death of your loved one.

You are still here. Your love for him/her is still within you. Your dreams are still lingering and it hurts like hell that you can’t change the past.

The next step is to find a support system that will help you mourn the loved one you have lost. Help you grieve the dreams and wishes that might not possible anymore without him/her.

The next step for you can be rituals that help you in your unique grieving process. I already wrote about the possibilities of rituals. You can find all these posts here.

Take good care and don't hesitate to reach out,
Jacqueline

PS: If you like to talk to someone outside your inner circle about the grief you experience click here or click on the phone and make an appointment for a free call. ☎️

Are you wondering how you can cherish your memories and honour your loved one?

2/7/2017

Share your Memories - HealingForGrievingHearts.com

Are you wondering how you can cherish your memories and honour your loved one?

A friend of mine shared the following story last week on Facebook.

When my father passed away quite a few years ago my mother asked us if we would like to have something of his to remember him by.

I chose his dress shoes as they remind me of when he would take each of my siblings and I out to dinner separately. Wonderful conversation while dining and having him all to myself for an evening.

I keep the shoes on a beam above my head in the studio where I paint . I have only taken them down once when our son Jack needed to wear them for a play he was in ( he has since out grown them).

I took them down again last weekend and polished them up for our daughters prom date to wear. Not only did my dad get to be at his granddaughters prom but he got to dance with her as well. ❤️

Just in case you wondered. I asked her if it would be OK to share her story with you.

This was her answer: My father was a lovely man who loved and supported his four daughters in every way. I am and know he would be honoured if you shared this story.

If you have a similar story that you would like to share get in touch.

If you want to create rituals yourself and the many ways you can honour your loved one join the Healing Rituals online course.

Click the link to find out more at Healing Rituals.

Grief will always hit us when we experience loss.

20/6/2017

Sharing your tears with others will help you heal - HealingForGrievingHearts.com

Grief will always hit us when we experience loss.

Do you find this statement to be true?

Not that long ago we had a discussion among friends asking ourselves this question.

We were divided and shared our experiences. Some felt that no matter what they did in the past that grief would hit them like a brick wall when a new loss happened.

Some said that because they had gone through a grieving process before with the help of someone or a group they felt more prepared. They would still grieve and feel the pain but that they had more insight, rituals, and knew with whom to share their feelings.

Just the knowledge that there were people out there that would understand them made the loss and grief less difficult.

You might experience both sides.

If you experience the sadness, pain and grief of losing a loved one and feel overwhelmed by your emotions you might want to have a look where you can get help.

Most towns have small bereavement groups that are free to attend. They are a good point to start if you don’t have anyone else. You can find them by searching the Internet or look at your local hospital's website.

Sharing memories about your loved one is healing. Even talking about how your loved one died can help you to let go of feelings that overwhelm you.

All of you that have been in an overwhelming grief situation know how difficult it can be to take this first step.

You can do it!

Take good care and don't forget I can help you too (smile),
Jacqueline

PS: If you like to talk to someone outside your inner circle about the grief you experience click reply now or click on the phone and make an appointment for a free call. ☎️ I can help you.
This free offer is open to former Healing for Grieving Hearts clients too.

How to honour the life of a loved one?

6/6/2017

There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self. -Aldous Huxley -HealingForGrievingHearts.com

The last weekend turned into devastation for many people that visited London and had a good time out and about.

My heart goes out to all the families, friends, and colleagues that have lost someone or are caring for a loved one still in hospital.

You might have heard the story of the young woman from Canada that was hit by the van and then died in her fiancé's arms.

Her family found a way to honour her that I felt inspiring. Chrissy had worked for years in a homeless shelter and cared deeply for others. Her family asked the public and friends to honour her by doing something good for others. Like donating time, bringing clothing or food to a homeless shelter and telling the staff that “Chrissy sent me”.

Immediately that sparked an outpouring of support to food banks and homeless shelters all over.

We as people connect to stories of loss and pain. We want to be there for each other. We appreciate when we are given a task or a gesture to honour the person that has died.

Why do I write about this?

In the midst of our grief we sometimes cannot see that others grief too. It is helpful to tell others what they can do to honour the person that has died.

I assure you it does not only help them but also you.

When my mother died I told everyone to bake (or buy) a cake for someone else that could use a little pick-me-up. My mother loved to bake cakes for others.

The emais and images I got from friends and family that took me up on this request were amazing. It made me cry but at the same time I had the feeling that my mother was really seen and honoured.

Perhaps there is something you would like to do today, that would honour your loved one? Go do it, even if it feels a bit silly.

PS: If you like to talk to someone outside your inner circle about the grief you experience click on the phone and make an appointment for a free call. ☎️
This free offer is open to former Healing for Grieving Hearts clients too.

How simple movements can help you when you are grieving

3/5/2017

Tears are a sign that our Well of Love is overflowing. -HealingForGrievingHearts.com

I often talk about how much walking in nature helps me to relax and to centre myself when I feel overwhelmed by feelings. These feelings can be grief, anger, sadness, fatigue ...

It is not only the fresh air and the walking but also the changed breathing pattern that helps me to relax and open my mind to new insights.

Grieving can be a very physical sensation. There might be tension in our shoulders, back pain, or our nervous system becomes out of balance. The shock of the reality we are facing can lead us to a state of fight-flight response. Our body reacts with stress symptoms like shallow breathing, a compromised immune system, our logical thinking might be impaired too, while we try to comprehend what has happened to our life as we knew it.

What can we do to find a new balance and taking care of ourselves?

According to Traditional Chinese Medicine the lungs are a key area where we might hold the energy of grief.
It is a good idea to open up our lungs by breathing deeply.

This can be accomplished by

standing or sitting
open up your arms wide as if you would want to embrace someone (breathe in)
give yourself a hug (breathing out)

Repeat as many times as you wish. I find 3-5 times a good number.

After you release your arms to your side take a deep breath and let it out with a sigh.

If at any point you feel tears well up please give yourself the space to cry.

Tears are a sign that our well of love is overflowing.

Let the tears flow. By doing so you acknowledge your feelings. You release energy that might otherwise block you from moving forward.

Let me know what your go to moves are so that I can share them with others.

PS: If you like to talk to someone outside your inner circle about the grief you experience click on the phone and make an appointment for a free call. ☎️
This free offer is open to former Healing for Grieving Hearts clients too.

Is it possible to grieve the loss of a pet?

18/4/2017

Do you miss your companion? Feeling grief after the loss of a pet is normal. HealingForGrievingHearts.com

If you are a pet owner or you have lost a pet in the past your answer is probably yes.

Often we are hesitant to show our grief openly about a pet loss because we think we might be judged by society.

We might hear:
How can one seriously be so sad about the death of a pet?

Living with a pet means that we are living with a special companion. We can share anything with them. They don’t walk away from us when life gets tough. We can tell them our deepest feelings and know that they won’t repeat it to anyone else. They become our confidants. They never judge or criticize us. They stand with us no matter what happens in our life. Pets might even soften difficult family relationships.

So why would we think that we will feel different than losing a human family member or friend?
Why would we diminish what we feel, or hide it, or even be ashamed?

It might have to do with the fact that often society doesn’t value the connection to an animal as equal as to a person.

The most common advice grievers might get are:

You can get a new dog.
It was only a cat and she was old.

You know better.
Grief is grief no matter what the cause and it hurts.

If you lost a pet recently or a long time ago, my heart goes out to you.

Surround yourself with people you can share your feelings with. Talk about it so that you can acknowledge what you have lost and start healing your broken heart.

Love to you,
Jacqueline

Contact me now. I can help you.

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