Allow yourself to heal
What do I mean by that?
When we are hurting lots of us have the tendency to hide inside ourselves.
We want to deal with all our feelings by ourselves. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn’t.
When you are grieving the loss of a loved one you might want to rethink how to cope with your feelings and pain.
Allowing yourself to heal means to create space that will help you heal.
Allowing yourself to heal means to become active in your healing process. (click to tweet)
It means to step out or your own inside turmoil and transform it into a visible dialogue. This can be painting, journaling, rituals, and memory sharing.
The coming holidays might be a first step to try new possibilities. The most important part is to be gentle with yourself. I wrote a post last year about how to prepare for the holidays. You can find it here.
I am wishing you that you will find the space that helps you heal and that you will be surrounded by supportive family members and/or friends.
I am keeping you in my heart,
It isn’t easy to find the next step in life when you experience overwhelming grief. The sadness and despair over the death of your loved one might sometimes feel unbearable. Hang in there.
Your loved one was a part of your next steps. You had dreams and plans for the future together. There was a gentle understanding between the two of you what would come next. Now that she/he is gone you have no future steps to take.
Your loved one was not in agreement with your vision of the future. Still you tried to move both of you to that dream of yours. You negotiated and fought for it. Now that he/she is gone you have no further steps to take.
Both scenarios leave you behind with unfulfilled wishes and dreams. Dreams and wishes that were directly linked to your loved one. No matter if it was a struggle or not. You might also feel regret that you didn’t move faster. That you waited too long because you didn’t know that your time together would be cut short.
The next step is something that only you can take. It will be a step of mourning these wishes and dreams as well as the loss of your loved one.
Yes, it is a whole life that you had envisioned that has gone as well with the death of your loved one.
You are still here. Your love for him/her is still within you. Your dreams are still lingering and it hurts like hell that you can’t change the past.
The next step is to find a support system that will help you mourn the loved one you have lost. Help you grieve the dreams and wishes that might not possible anymore without him/her.
The next step for you can be rituals that help you in your unique grieving process. I already wrote about the possibilities of rituals. You can find all these posts here.
Take good care and don't hesitate to reach out,
PS: If you like to talk to someone outside your inner circle about the grief you experience click here or click on the phone and make an appointment for a free call. ☎️
Are you prepared for the cheer, the family images of happy people, the songs that might remind you of better days?
If you have lost someone this year it might be the first Holiday Season without them.
You might experience a flood of feelings or go numb and feel nothing at all.
It can help if you start to prepare yourself for the coming days counting down to Christmas.
1. Think about what you can and cannot do this year
A well meant invitation to a concert or a tree lighting might be too much for you. Even if your friends and family try to cheer you up with the things that you always loved during this time you might feel overwhelmed and fearful to fall apart in public. Take good care of yourself and gently decline invitations that are too stressful.
2. Be honest
Who do you want to have around for Christmas? Talk to your friends and family members how you want to celebrate. Who else in your circle is grieving? Could you help each other? Be open to new ideas.
3. Accept help from others
It is difficult to ask for help from others. Sometimes it is even harder to accept help, especially if you have been in charge of the holidays in other years.
4. Prepare a ritual to honour your loved one
Buy their favourite flowers. Cook that special dessert. Go for a walk in nature and light a candle at a cherished place. Share stories and memories of your loved one.
5. Which traditions do you want to keep?
Your friends and family might try to change things up in an effort to help you. Be clear and honest about your feelings and what you want to happen.
Whatever you decide to do or not to do it is your truth. There is no right or wrong way.
Take good care and don’t hesitate to reach out if you feel the need to talk. I am here for you.
Take good care,
Heal your grief. Walk in Nature.
You have heard me saying this many times.
Walking in nature can have a healing impact.
My tendency when I feel stuck in my thoughts is to get busy and take on more work than I can handle. This goes on until my body tells me it is enough. I will get a sore throat or, like last week, my back will start to hurt.
These are my weak points. They are telling me to take a moment and reflect.
It also happens because by being busy I have forgotten to move. I am not doing my ten minute yoga practice and I don’t go for regular walks.
So after I had ‘suffered’ and taken pain killers all week. On Sunday, I decided it was enough and I started to do gentle yoga moves every time I felt the pain in my back.
Breathing a lot and yes, swearing was involved too, because it hurt.
Today I went on a half hour walk in a nearby park. The smells in the forest were uplifting and wonderful. It was a concoction of decaying leaves, needle and sap from the evergreens, and wet earth.
I feel so much better today. I know it has to do with movement and the experience in nature this afternoon. I can still feel where the pain was but it is so much better.
Do you think a walk in nature could help your grieving heart too?
I know it won’t take away all your hurt but it might just give you a bit of comfort.
Don’t wait for the right moment. Just get dressed and go for a half hour walk even if it is in your own backyard.
Be outside, take in the smell of the fall season, and let nature do its healing.
I am sending you healing love.
Take good care,
When we are in a relationship we help each other out with various tasks. It is just normal to share the daily duties like financial tasks, taxes, driving, grocery shopping etc...
One of my clients told me that her husband was the one that would always drive them to appointments and outings.
When he died two years ago she was somewhat stranded in her house, living in a rural community with almost no public transit.
She was lucky that she had a friend that would go grocery shopping with her or take her to doctors appointments. But she also felt that she could not impose on her friend all the time and so stayed home a lot of times.
She just told me that she bought a second-hand car six months ago and is now mobile again. I’m sure it took lots of courage to buy the car and being in the drivers seat again. Although I had nothing to do with it, I feel so proud of her. (You know who you are and I cheer for you! smile)
There are so many smaller and bigger steps that you have to take when you lose a loved one. Which tasks did you have to take on after your loved one died?
To find a new way to step out into the world takes all your courage and strength.
I bow to you for taking that step every day.
Love and blessings,
PS: I offer free Grief Relief Sessions. I will help you to find a new clarity on your unique situation, a plan for powerful next steps, and relieve of unresolved feelings. (value $300)
Take out your phone now and call me. (smile)
You can reach me at 01-902-237-5011 to make an appointment or send me an email at Jacqueline(at)HealingForGrievingHearts.com
Summer seems to be over not only because many go back to work, school and study but also nature has decided to bring in some change. The air felt cooler yesterday and some leaves have turned yellow over night.
I was on vacation for the last two weeks and enjoyed the time to reflect, read and just be. If you have followed my emails for a while you know that my mother died two years ago.
Her death changed the course of my life.
Although I had helped people all my working life, first as a school teacher and since 2000 as an art therapist, I had never felt the urge to become absolutely clear about what I was meant to bring to the world until my mother died.
At the time I worked as an art therapist helping people of all ages through challenging times. I enjoyed my own artistic practice to stay grounded and sane plus I enjoy painting with bold colour combinations. (smile)
I looked for help to find my true calling, while still guiding myself through the pain of my mothers death. A program called ‘4 Pillars Program/Partnering with the Soul of your Business’ caught my eye and I got in touch with Susanna Maida. She is a heart centred business coach that has a down to earth approach to life and business.
Working with her in a small group of other women entrepreneurs became the turning point for me. Very fast it became clear that I still loved my work as an art therapist.
Susanna’s ability to listen deeply and reflect back to me of what I had gone through with my own grief and how I had worked through it by using the knowledge of therapeutic art interventions, lead in the end to my creation of the Healing For Grieving Hearts program.
A training in Princeton* in the Grief Recovery Process added extra insights. *(not through the University (smile))
Since May 2014, I have been blessed to work with amazing women that have lost a loved one. They have stepped into the grieving process of honouring their relationships and have found a new grounded place in their lives. I thank them for their openness, trust, and honesty.
Would you like to share your story of transformation that a loss has brought to your life?
Please don’t hesitate to get in touch here or by phone at
Take good care,
Jacqueline Steudler is an Art Therapist and Grief Recovery Specialist®.