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 May the coming days be filled with light and healing. Your loved ones are with you in your heart and your memories. Celebrate them, talk about them, and if you feel like it prepare a little gift for them. (smile) I always buy my mother's favourite flowers and in my mind's eye I see her smile. I wish you a blessed Holiday Season with supportive friends and family that are there for you when you need them. From my heart to yours, Jacqueline Sign up here http://eepurl.com/4S8G1  Holidays are coming our way. With them there might be even more reminders of the times we had with our loved ones. But instead of dreading these reminders I am challenging you to embrace them. Yes, step gently into your fun and sad memories. Share them, laugh about them, write them down and share them at a family dinner or with friends. Did you notice that I wrote share them twice? (smile) At first, you might find it difficult to share your memories. Every time you do it the memories become lighter, more colourful, perhaps even more joyful. You might even find yourself crying and laughing at the same time. Will it be easy? Probably not. Will you enjoy it? Perhaps not always. Will you feel more at ease? Perhaps. You can only find your own answers by stepping into the challenge and share your loved one’s life with others. Let me know how it goes at my website. From my heart to yours, Jacqueline  Two years ago today my mother died. Although I worked creatively through my own grieving process and have found a beautiful way of honouring her by helping others, I still feel the sadness when this day comes closer. Plus there is still a little bit of guilt that I wasn’t there in person when she died and I want to give space and healing to these feelings again in the next couple of days. While you are reading this I will be at the coast of Nova Scotia near Peggy’s Cove. I will be sitting on the rocks, writing a letter to my mother, and remember all the laughs and tears we shared together. I remember our wonderful travels through Greece, Spain, Germany, and Nova Scotia. Her adventurous spirit when she went onto a wale watching boat with me knowing well that she might get seasick in the middle of it. We had a blast. (smile) Do you have an upcoming anniversary? What will you do? Will you be alone or will you share it with friends and family? It is helpful to have a plan, a ritual for those special days like birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries. Do you need help to find the right ritual to honour your relationship? Please take advantage of my free call if you like some input or send me an email and I will be glad to help you. Blessing to you and yours, Jacqueline  You might have heard that Vice President Joe Biden lost his son Beau to brain cancer last week. A sad time for the whole Biden family and their friends.
You can relate to their loss and their grief. In a short CBC clip I learned that Joe Biden had lost his wife and daughter in a car accident many years back. He then went on to speak to army families to comfort them and show his compassion. What he told them was, “There will come a day, I promise you, and you parents as well, when the thought of your son or daughter or your husband or wife brings a smile to your lips before it brings a tear to your eye. It will happen. […]” (I want to include grand-parents, uncles, aunts, sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, friends, and...) His message touched me. It is the quintessence of what I try to help you with through the healing for grieving hearts program. We take baby steps towards your personal healing so that the smile will appear on your lips before it brings a tear to your eye when you think of your loved one. I would like you to take his message with you for the next couple of days. Does it resonate with you? Does it sound right? I am always here for you to listen with compassion and an open heart. Blessings to you and yours, Jacqueline   Over the last couple of weeks I have been in awe with nature. We had so much snow and then the snow melted and revealed the growing that must have gone on for some time under all the layers of snow. All of a sudden the garlic was showing its tips at the beginning of May and today it is more than a foot (30 cm) up. Healing has the same quality like the layers of snow covering the growth underneath. While we are still in the midst of our feelings and our sadness we don’t realize that our actions of acknowledging the loss and honouring the time we had together helps us to heal.
PS: Don't forget if you or a family member needs personalized grief support, please don't hesitate to tell them about my free offer that will continue in 2015:
I would like to give back and offer you and your friends my compassionate and listening heart for a free comforting 30 minute call. There are no strings attached to this call (This is not a sales pitch). It is important to me to help as many as I can. If you feel you would like to speak to someone that understands grief and is outside of your direct relationship circle please take advantage of this offer. You will have my full compassionate attention and we will find little steps to help you breath easier and start your healing process. If you know of someone that might be in need of a comforting talk please feel free to pass the offer on. How to sign up for the free compassionate call? Just press reply and let me know that you are interested and I will be in touch to find a suitable time for both of us. If you know someone that needs help you can send them the contact form link on my website http://www.healingforgrievinghearts.com/contact.html Today, I am celebrating the rain in Nova Scotia. (smile) The rain will help melt the snow that has obscured the growth of plants and delayed spring. Finally the blanket of white is lifting. Green is starting to appear and other colours will join nature again - soon - I hope. Last week I read a Facebook post by Elizabeth Gilbert about shame and especially tribal shaming. From Elizabeth's post: A tribe being your family, your religion, your neighborhood, your nationality, your culture, etc. Simply put: Our tribe of origin tells us who we are. Our tribe tells us what to believe and how to behave. Each tribe is governed by its own rules. These rules constitute the honor code that defines every tribe’s essence.... You can find Elizabeth’s post at http://on.fb.me/1E0abLL It is a long post but it is worth your time to read it all. She also explains how to step out of the shame circle. (You don’t have to be on Facebook to read it.) Her post resonated deeply with me and coincided with stories I have heard from women I work with. One woman told me, that she went to a potluck supper in her neighbourhood after a year of experiencing multiple loses and lots of healing work. It took her a lot of strength to step out and join. But then people wouldn’t speak to her. They would avoid being near her and one person even said in a loud voice, that she was surprised to see her at the event. My client got the message: "Shouldn’t you be at home grieving?” first she felt angry and then she felt ashamed. In this instance all her strength and trust that she had built disappeared. It took her a while to step out again. The tribe we have been born in, the one we live in will determine rules that define the tribe’s essence. If we step outside the rules we might face adversity and puzzled looks. We might even feel ashamed that we don’t fit in anymore. What if your tribe supports the following rules:
In her post Elizabeth Gilbert explains how to overcome our shame and live more healthy and happy again. http://on.fb.me/1E0abLL (I am not affiliated with her in any way. I just felt that she shares a very important message for all of us.) Take good care on your healing path. Love and blessings, Jacqueline   Valentine’s Day. It all started in pre-school, when we began making Valentine’s cards for friends and family. Then as we got older it shifted from family members to romantic attachments. Valentine’s Day has become for many a day to declare or reaffirm the bond with our loved one.
If you have lost a spouse it must be like having your heart broken over and over during this commercialized time leading up to Valentine’s Day. Unfortunately there is little awareness in our society what a difficult time this must be for widows and widowers alike. You might feel isolated, alone, and as if no one understands. What can you do to stay sane and grounded during this time?
Either way there is no right or wrong. There is only your unique way. It is a good idea to create a list of loving and understanding friends that will support you on anniversaries and special celebratory days. Friends that are willing and open to accept a change of mind at the last minute. By being proactive about these special days you are actively taking care of yourself and leave the uncertainty that has entered your life behind. I think of you and send love and healing your way. Take good care, Jacqueline Don't forget if you or a family member needs personalized grief support, please don't hesitate to tell them about my offer that will continue in 2015: I would like to give back and offer you and your friends my compassionate and listening heart for a free comforting 30 minute call. There are no strings attached to this call (This is not a sales pitch). It is important to me to help as many as I can. If you feel you would like to speak to someone that understands grief and is outside of your direct relationship circle please take advantage of this offer. You will have my full compassionate attention and we will find little steps to help you breath easier and start your healing process. If you know of someone that might be in need of a comforting talk please feel free to pass the offer on. How to sign up for the free compassionate call? You or a friend of yours can get in touch with me through the contact form on my website at www.healingforgrievinghearts.com  Last week a friend asked me, how I chose my field of work and why I do what I do. My first thought was to give a spiel about the fact that we all experience grief in our lives at one point.
Then I stopped and realized that isn’t it. My motivation is helping others. Helping people has always been a part of my life. Even when I was a child I would help the other kids from the neighbourhood with their homework or help my mother look after the little ones in her home day care. Changing diapers, washing an apple sauce face, or singing, playing and creating with the younger children wasn’t a chore for me. Early on it was clear to me that I wanted to become a teacher. And I did. (smile) There are many things that I don’t like that much about the Swiss school system but the best part is that crafts, woodworking and art are still an important part of the curriculum. I was teaching all subject matters which made it easy to incorporate creative tasks into the learning process. Students with special needs often ended up in my class because everyone knew I would be able to support them in all kinds of creative ways. Growing up I always had a creative project on the go and in my early twenties I started to pay more attention to my own painting practice. After eleven years as a teacher I decided that it was time to combine my calling to help others with my creative side. Stepping into the four year Art Therapy training was a logical next step. An internship at a mental health institution gave me insights into depression, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia plus a knowledge of the many implications (good and bad) medications can have. In 2000, I opened my practice as an art therapist. I helped children with war trauma, school anxiety, and difficult home situations. I supported adults through challenging times in their lives and connected them to their inner strength and resources. Further studies in meditation, mindfulness, and interests in spirituality followed and have become a part of my work. Since my move to Nova Scotia in 2004 I have worked with autistic children and teens, helped adults find their bearings in difficult life situations and facilitated various art based community development projects. In 2013 my mother died. Although I had helped many people navigate through difficult life challenges and had experienced dramatic loses in the past myself nothing prepared me for the sadness that accompanied the days, weeks, and months after my mother's death. All of a sudden I felt like I had forgotten who I was and with my mother gone, no one was there anymore to remind me from time to time. Since I had no support to find my way through this difficult terrain, I turned to what I already knew. I created little rituals to honour my mother. I painted a lot as a way to express and transform what I was feeling. And I shared my sad feelings only with people who I trusted to listen and not shy away from them. By taking actions such as these, I discovered that my pain and sadness moved into a new direction. I was able to release the ifs and should-haves and felt a much greater sense of peace and balance. Rather than feeling consumed by grief whenever I thought of my mother, I was able once again to think of her with a smile on my face. It became clear once more that what I wanted most was helping others. What is your life's calling? Is it hidden behind the overwhelming sadness of grief? There are steps you can take too to discover it again. If you like to talk about your journey and hear about new steps you can take please consider a free Grief Relief call with me. You can find all the information at http://www.healingforgrievinghearts.com/relieve-grief.html Take good care, Jacqueline  May the new year bring you new connections, good health and supportive friends.
All the best to you, Jacqueline  You might get ready right now to be with friends or family over the next couple of days or you might have decided to take it calmer this year and be by yourself.
Either way I wish you a blessed Holiday Season with a support system that is there for you when you need it. All the best to you and yours, Jacqueline |
AuthorJacqueline Steudler is an Art Therapist and Grief Recovery Specialist®. Categories
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