Category: Grieving Process

How To Better Grief - A CBC Tapestry Episode

19/8/2018

The other day I listened to CBC's program Tapestry with guest host Christa Couture.

The title of the show was Better ways to live with grief.

The heartfelt discussions were uplifting and at the same time touched me deeply.

I was glad to hear psychologist David Feldman debunking the 5 stages of grief.

If you have followed the Healing Notes for a while then you know that there are no stages and that everyone grieves in their own unique way. It can get messy.

Next up was actor and comedian Cariad Lloyd. Cariad hosts the podcast Griefcast. I have been listening to some of her episodes and they are worth listening to for sure.

Last but not least Christa Couture talked to artist and designer Emily McDowel. Emily creates empathy cards that are to the point and sometimes full of humour.

Emily gave advice on what to say and what not to say when you have a friend that is grieving. I was glad to find her cards in one of our local greeting card shops.

You can listen to this episode of Tapestry at
https://www.cbc.ca/radio/tapestry/better-ways-to-live-with-grief-1.4723337

Let me know if this or a part of it resonates with you as well.

Wishing you a wonderful Sunday,
Jacqueline

If you want to create rituals and the many ways you can honour your loved one join the Healing Rituals online course.

Click the link to find out more at Healing Rituals.

Love Is A Huge Gift

5/8/2018

The last month has been heartbreaking.

You remember that our cat wasn’t well in the spring. She bounced back and we thought everything was OK. We thought/hoped that she had gotten over the hump and that she would live with us for another couple of years.

A month ago, she didn’t come home from her day outside. Over the last couple of years, she always stayed very close to the house. And even closer since she didn’t feel that well.

She always heard when I started to cook supper.

Immediately, I would have company in the kitchen.

She would wait for us to sit down for our meal. I don’t know when it started but over the last couple of years, she would get a few drops of cream on a small old plate on the floor. And we all ate together. (smile)

Later, she would spend the evening on one of our laps.

This isn’t happening anymore, because a month ago she didn’t return home.

We searched everywhere. We talked to neighboors, called all the shelters and vets, put up posters, and listed her missing on the local FB group.

We are coming to terms with the fact that she will not return. That she might have followed nature's call and went into hiding to die.

Every evening our heart breaks a bit more because she isn’t around anymore to share a meal with us.

Love is a huge gift and she has touched us deeply over the last ten years.

We are grieving the loss of our little companion. The loss of our fun times together, our rituals, our connection, and her trust that she gifted us with.

Our love for her will always be a part of us.

I am humbled again by my own grief that has enveloped me. I know it will get easier but we will always miss her and love her.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

PS: I will take a few weeks off to recharge, traveling around Nova Scotia with friends, and spend some time in my art studio. (smile)

You can always reach me by email at jacqueline(at)healingforgrievinghearts.com

Do You Have A Safe Space to Express Your Grief?

11/3/2018

Yesterday, I read this touching article by Sarah Kravits here. She explains how her car became her griefmobile.

I like that expression. It conveys not only a place to grief but also the movement that our grief and feelings go through.

In short; Sarah Kravits explains how her car became the place where she feels safe to express her grief for her brother that was killed by a drunken driver.

A song on the radio, or a similar car like her brother drove, can trigger her grief.

I’m still not sure why I don’t grieve much around other people; I don’t seem to have much control over that choice, so I accept it. I am grateful for the on-demand safe space my Griefmobile offers. I keep a box of tissues between the front seats. - Sarah Kravits

Can you relate to her story?

I can.

I have encountered times when being on the road listening to music a song comes on that transports me back in time. I am in the car with my healthy mother before dementia took her away piece by piece and before she died.

I remember deep and meaningful discussions. Silly and humorous moments we shared on our car journeys together.

Sometimes that memory overflows with love. And the next moment, I am driving while crying my heart out.

Other times I just want to scream - and between us - I do.

My car is a safe space where I can sing, laugh, cry, and scream whenever I want.

Just a word of caution; Don’t scream in your car while parked in a parking lot with lots of people around. (smile)

Last night I was on Netflix (yes, I do that too). In the movie, a mother had lost her son and sat for hours in her car listening to his iPod. It made her feel safe and close to her son.

We all need a safe space where we can express our feelings without judgement.

It is OK to use your car as your griefmobile.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

PS: Give me a call. I am here for you. ☎️

Do you tell yourself to be strong for others?

25/2/2018

Take your time to heal and grow. HealingForGrievingHearts.com

Where are you in your grieving process?
Are you able to be patient with yourself?

When grieving the loss of a loved one we often don’t see over the mountain of pain and sorrow.

We want the pain to stop.

Sometimes we convince ourselves that it is better to ignore our pain. We might distract ourselves with work, Netflix, or hours on social media.

If you have to look out for children you might think that it is better to be strong for them.

Unfortunately the reality is that being strong for others will prolong your grief. Hiding it from your children will teach them that grieving about a loved one is wrong. They might start to hide their feelings as well. You don’t want that.

"Grieving is an inherently human and healthy process. However, when we ignore the reality of the grieving experience, we prolong our pain and cause damage to ourselves. "

When we grieve, we have to integrate a new reality into our lives.

It is important that we have compassion for and with ourselves as we heal.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

PS: Do you want to dive into rituals as healing tools? Healing Rituals online course is here.

Remembering a friend that died too young

28/1/2018

Enjoy Natures Beauty in any Season. - HealingForGrievingHearts.com

We had this brilliantly sunny day after a snowfall a few days ago. The Air was crisp. The sunshine flooded everything. Little stars seemed to radiate their warmth from frozen leaves on bushes.

The atmosphere reminded me of skiing in the Swiss Alps with my college boyfriend. He was funny, smart, handsome, and the best teacher to improve your skiing skills. (smile)

One winter, we were in the mountains with his friends. He wanted to show off and claimed that his girlfriend had learned so much from him that she could take on the steepest hill on the mountain. Would I not have been in love with him and wanted him to be proud, I would have never agreed to get down that hill. (smile)

He always told me to put my whole weight on my skies to control them best. So that day, I did just that and made it down the hill in one piece. To this day, I tell myself sometimes: Push your whole weight down on the ground for best control."

Over time, our relationship changed, and we split up but stayed good friends. He got killed in a motorcycle accident just before his 25th birthday. Losing my friend was devastating, and my grief was deep and unexpectedly painful.

On this sunny snow day, I remembered him, his jokes, and his advice.
So, I will plant my feet firmly on the ground for the coming weeks.

My love for him and our friendship will always have a special place in my heart.

What does trigger your memories?
Who is on your mind today?

Sharing our stories is a part of the healing process.

Memories assure us our hearts will always keep a loving space for our loved ones who have died too early.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

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How To Better Grief - A CBC Tapestry Episode

Love Is A Huge Gift

Do You Have A Safe Space to Express Your Grief?

Do you tell yourself to be strong for others?

Remembering a friend that died too young

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