Category: Compassion

How To Better Grief - A CBC Tapestry Episode

19/8/2018

The other day I listened to CBC's program Tapestry with guest host Christa Couture.

The title of the show was Better ways to live with grief.

The heartfelt discussions were uplifting and at the same time touched me deeply.

I was glad to hear psychologist David Feldman debunking the 5 stages of grief.

If you have followed the Healing Notes for a while then you know that there are no stages and that everyone grieves in their own unique way. It can get messy.

Next up was actor and comedian Cariad Lloyd. Cariad hosts the podcast Griefcast. I have been listening to some of her episodes and they are worth listening to for sure.

Last but not least Christa Couture talked to artist and designer Emily McDowel. Emily creates empathy cards that are to the point and sometimes full of humour.

Emily gave advice on what to say and what not to say when you have a friend that is grieving. I was glad to find her cards in one of our local greeting card shops.

You can listen to this episode of Tapestry at
https://www.cbc.ca/radio/tapestry/better-ways-to-live-with-grief-1.4723337

Let me know if this or a part of it resonates with you as well.

Wishing you a wonderful Sunday,
Jacqueline

PS: Take a step forward and sign up for the Healing Notes that will arrive in your inbox every second Sunday.

Why is it difficult to find the right words?

25/3/2018

The last three months have been full of losses for friends and family members.

An accumulation of loss and death was happening.

It made it difficult to be there for every one.

Despite all my knowledge of loss, grief, and support I found myself at a loss for words sometimes.

It was also the repetition of my words that made me feel unsupportive.

Instead I started to write cards and hope that they conveyed my heartfelt support better.

Do you remember awkward moments when you were in the midst of your grief?

Someone reaches out to you.
Only afterwards, you feel more alone than before?

Why is it so difficult to find the right words?

Is it because we have not learned how to empathize with a grieving friend?

Is it because some of our own grief is still lingering making it difficult to be there for others?

And still.

If you are grieving it is important to reach out to others.

To open yourself up to heal.

Perhaps you can forgive your fellow grief travellers for their helplessness and awkward words.

In any case.

Be brave!

Reach out to others.

Get the comfort you need to heal your broken heart.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

PS: If you celebrate Easter and wonder how to get through these holidays have a look at the following posts I wrote about holidays. You can adapt everything to any holiday.

Do you tell yourself to be strong for others?

25/2/2018

Take your time to heal and grow. HealingForGrievingHearts.com

Where are you in your grieving process?
Are you able to be patient with yourself?

When grieving the loss of a loved one we often don’t see over the mountain of pain and sorrow.

We want the pain to stop.

Sometimes we convince ourselves that it is better to ignore our pain. We might distract ourselves with work, Netflix, or hours on social media.

If you have to look out for children you might think that it is better to be strong for them.

Unfortunately the reality is that being strong for others will prolong your grief. Hiding it from your children will teach them that grieving about a loved one is wrong. They might start to hide their feelings as well. You don’t want that.

"Grieving is an inherently human and healthy process. However, when we ignore the reality of the grieving experience, we prolong our pain and cause damage to ourselves. "

When we grieve, we have to integrate a new reality into our lives.

It is important that we have compassion for and with ourselves as we heal.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

PS: Do you want to dive into rituals as healing tools? Healing Rituals online course is here.

When words are missing. How to support each other through grief.

15/10/2017

Two weeks ago, a group of like-minded people met and we talked about all things life.

One of our group members shared her recent experience of grief and helplessness over the suicide of a loved one.

We all went silent. Most of us cried with her and for the family that was left behind with many unanswered questions.

There were no words to comfort. No words to make it easier for her.
There were only our open hearts to listen and be with her fully.

Just being there for each other and listening is healing.

We all know that it doesn’t take the pain of grieving away but the sharing helps to realize that we are not alone in this.

Are you in the midst of grieving or a painful anniversary date is coming your way soon? Reach out to people that are open to listen to you and/or just be with you.

May you all find loving support even when your own words are missing.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

PS: Give me a call. I am here for you. ☎️

Grief will always hit us when we experience loss.

20/6/2017

Sharing your tears with others will help you heal - HealingForGrievingHearts.com

Grief will always hit us when we experience loss.

Do you find this statement to be true?

Not that long ago we had a discussion among friends asking ourselves this question.

We were divided and shared our experiences. Some felt that no matter what they did in the past that grief would hit them like a brick wall when a new loss happened.

Some said that because they had gone through a grieving process before with the help of someone or a group they felt more prepared. They would still grieve and feel the pain but that they had more insight, rituals, and knew with whom to share their feelings.

Just the knowledge that there were people out there that would understand them made the loss and grief less difficult.

You might experience both sides.

If you experience the sadness, pain and grief of losing a loved one and feel overwhelmed by your emotions you might want to have a look where you can get help.

Most towns have small bereavement groups that are free to attend. They are a good point to start if you don’t have anyone else. You can find them by searching the Internet or look at your local hospital's website.

Sharing memories about your loved one is healing. Even talking about how your loved one died can help you to let go of feelings that overwhelm you.

All of you that have been in an overwhelming grief situation know how difficult it can be to take this first step.

You can do it!

Take good care and don't forget I can help you too (smile),
Jacqueline

PS: If you like to talk to someone outside your inner circle about the grief you experience click reply now or click on the phone and make an appointment for a free call. ☎️ I can help you.
This free offer is open to former Healing for Grieving Hearts clients too.

How to honour the life of a loved one?

6/6/2017

There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self. -Aldous Huxley -HealingForGrievingHearts.com

The last weekend turned into devastation for many people that visited London and had a good time out and about.

My heart goes out to all the families, friends, and colleagues that have lost someone or are caring for a loved one still in hospital.

You might have heard the story of the young woman from Canada that was hit by the van and then died in her fiancé's arms.

Her family found a way to honour her that I felt inspiring. Chrissy had worked for years in a homeless shelter and cared deeply for others. Her family asked the public and friends to honour her by doing something good for others. Like donating time, bringing clothing or food to a homeless shelter and telling the staff that “Chrissy sent me”.

Immediately that sparked an outpouring of support to food banks and homeless shelters all over.

We as people connect to stories of loss and pain. We want to be there for each other. We appreciate when we are given a task or a gesture to honour the person that has died.

Why do I write about this?

In the midst of our grief we sometimes cannot see that others grief too. It is helpful to tell others what they can do to honour the person that has died.

I assure you it does not only help them but also you.

When my mother died I told everyone to bake (or buy) a cake for someone else that could use a little pick-me-up. My mother loved to bake cakes for others.

The emais and images I got from friends and family that took me up on this request were amazing. It made me cry but at the same time I had the feeling that my mother was really seen and honoured.

Perhaps there is something you would like to do today, that would honour your loved one? Go do it, even if it feels a bit silly.

PS: If you like to talk to someone outside your inner circle about the grief you experience click on the phone and make an appointment for a free call. ☎️
This free offer is open to former Healing for Grieving Hearts clients too.

Are there any stages of grief?

28/2/2017

Follow the rope or skip it when you feel like it. It is you that decides. HealingForGrievingHearts.com

I get asked that question a lot. Here is what I say to those that aren't sure:

There are no clear defined stages of grief. Every person grieves in their individual unique way. Trying to put anyone into a defined stage of grief only leads to more hurt.

If anyone approaches us with their feelings of grief. We should just be quiet, open our heart and listen to that person without any judgement or advice. It is OK to say to them, that we have no words (for their grief).

Even if we have experienced loss ourselves in the past we still don’t know how our friends or family members feel when they experience the death of a loved one. We don’t know what they are feeling. Grief has no clear defined rules or timelines.

Please be there for each other, keep your heart open and your mouth shut (smile).

Listening from your heart is the biggest gift you can give in any grief situation.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

I am thinking of you today

14/2/2017

wisdom is nothing more than healed pain - author unknown - HealingForGrievingHearts.com

Today I take you in my arms and hold you in a gentle hug.

A hug that includes all the loved ones we are missing today.
A hug that might send a smile to your lips while thinking of them.
A hug that gives you warmth and understanding for the pain in your heart.

I am here for you.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

Contact me now. I can help you.

Are you Grieving or are you Healing?

19/4/2016

It is your Healing Path - HealingForGrievingHearts.com

At a networking event last week a woman told me that she had looked after her mother for the last couple of years.

Her mother had Alzheimer's. She had to say good-bye to the mother that had raised her, to the friend that had been there for her when no-one else was, to the laughter and hardships of life they had shared. The strong woman she had known disappeared before her eyes.

Going through that process she grieved all these parts of their life together. She said good-bye to her mother in many ways over the years.

A few months back her mother died. Her friends tell her that she is now finally able to grief the loss of her mother.

She told me that it was not grief that she was feeling. “I’m in a state of healing after all the years of saying good-bye. Finally I’m able to heal.”

In that instance, I could feel the love she shared with her mother and the joy of her soul that she spoke her truth.

Wherever you are on your healing path take one step at the time to move forward. You are healing.

What is it you need to move from overwhelming grief to a calmer state of healing?

If you feel OK to share your experience please do so in the comments. You might just help someone else.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

PS: If the tears don't stop and you need a compassionate and listening person outside your usual circle of friends and family I'm here. I offer you a free Grief Relief call. You will find clarity, release stagnant feelings, and move towards healing. Please get in touch by email jacqueline(at)healingforgrievinghearts.com or phone at +1-902-237-5011 to schedule a convenient time.

Grief is a Mess guest post by Jackie Schuld

8/2/2016

Grief is a Mess - written and illustrated by Jackie Schuld - guest post on HealingForGrievingHearts.com

Today I would like to introduce you to Jackie Schuld an artist, illustrator and author. When Jackie’s mother was diagnosed with a terminal illness she created an uplifting personal book for her mother with illustrations and words to comfort her and bring a smile to her face.

She and her mother discovered fast that there were no stages of grief that would cure them from feeling sad and devastated at times. Grief is a Mess is the title Jackie chose for a book she created after her mother died and she was going through all those conflicting feelings of grief in an even deeper way.

Making a list to get through another day. Illustration from Jackie Schuld's delightful book 'Grief is a Mess'.

Jackie explains,

"After my mother died, I felt an inexplicable push to create a book about grief. Words couldn't possibly capture the mess I felt, and so I used illustrations. The process of making the illustrations was deeply painful because it required me to face and capture every inch of my aching heart. There were weeks and even months that I couldn't work on the book because it hurt too much. I finally forced myself to finish the book by working on it daily and setting timers that counted how many minutes I had to sit there.

My intention was to create a book that normalized the mess of grief and reached out to others who felt alone. I wanted to do this because I felt so alone.

What I never expected was the joy that Grief is a Mess would bring back to me. Whenever someone points to an illustration in the book and says, "That's how I feel!" it's as if my soul connects with another. Every time I share the book with others, stories inevitably come pouring out that help me to see I am not alone. The book gently opens the door to conversations about grief and affords me the opportunity to connect with others on a topic that once was difficult to express. I never expected such richness to come into my life, especially not from something that originated in the mess that is grief."

Grief is a Mess - Book illustrated and written by Jackie Schuld - guest post at HealingForGrievingHearts.com

Following the death of her mother in 2014, Jackie Schuld became a full-time artist. She devotes her creative life to painting, teaching, and creating illustrated books that capture the human experience. Whenever her soul needs replenishment, she spends time with her family and heads into the outdoors.

Jackie Schuld can be reached at: jackieschuld.com

Get her book at

Grief is a Mess

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