Category: Resilience

Is there comfort in sharing your memories of your loved one?

3/9/2017

Life teaches you resilience - that ability to bounce back. Kate Reardon - HealingForGrievingHearts.com

Would you say that you are a resilient person? That you find comfort by remembering your loved one while grieving his/her death?

It seems a bit odd to say that there might be a hidden comfort when you are in the middle of grief.

“However, resilient people seem generally to find comfort in talking about or thinking about the deceased. They can feel happy or at peace by doing so,”
writes George Bonanno in his book The Other Side of Sadness

I agree with him.
By talking and remembering your loved one, you add comfort to your difficult journey. You will experience that your relationship is not completely gone. Or even that some part of it is still alive.

Are you one of these people? Does the sharing of memories help and comfort you?

If not, try to start with little steps to activate your resilience. Talk about and share the stories of your loved one. Remember your relationship and share it with your friends or in a bereavement group.

If you feel like you cannot hold on to the positive memories, or like the memories are lost, find a friend or family member. Let them share their stories about your loved one. This will help you both. 💜

Take good care,
Jacqueline

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“What is it about summer that I am missing my husband even more?”

20/8/2017

Self-care is how you take your power back. Lalah Delia - HealingforGrievingHearts.com

“What is it about summer that I am missing my husband even more?”

This is a question a friend asked me the other day.
Her question didn’t surprise me.

In summer, everyone seems to be out and about and having a great time with family and friends. No one seems to worry about things. Everyone is in a good mood and happy.

If you mourn the loss of a loved one the activity around you can make you even more sad. It shows you what has been. It shows you what could have been.

It is sometimes difficult not to get overwhelmed by pain when so much is happening around you. You might even feel pressure that you should be the same happy summer person you were before.

What to do, you ask?

Create a day where you look back at all the memories of fun times with your loved one.
Where they always during the summer?
What were the places you went together?
What were the activities?

Talk to your friends about it. Is there an activity that you miss and would like to take on again with one of your friends? Let them know you need their support.

You could also create a mini retreat in your home to get away from the summer crowd. Read a book, watch your favourite movies, cry, sing in the shower, and cook your favourite food. Care for yourself.

Let me know what you think and what helps you. I love to learn from you.

Take good (self-) care,
Jacqueline

PS: Give me a call. I am here for you. ☎️
This free offer is open to former Healing for Grieving Hearts clients too.

When will my grief be over? When will I recover from all this sadness?

1/11/2016

Last week a former Canadian politician died in an airplane accident with three other people. My heart goes out for their families. I cannot imagine what they are going through.

This incident flooded me with memories and deep grief about my nephew’s death. He died eight years ago in a Cessna accident as well.

Often I am asked: When will my grief be over? When will I recover from all this sadness?

There is no right answer to it. Sadness and grief can flood our feelings all of a sudden when there is a trigger, like the one with the airplane crash.

Eight years ago, the feelings were overwhelming and the crying didn’t want to stop.

This week it was a reminder how much I miss and love him and how much I still grief his death. But there is a difference between then and today. The feelings of sorrow are more gentle and not overwhelming anymore.

When will my grief be over? When will I recover from all this sadness?

Perhaps the most honest answer is: It will never be over.

Your feelings of overwhelming sadness will change towards a gentler form. You will change. You will be a new you having witnessed and felt the death of a loved one.

This loss will make you more empathetic, more loving, and more carrying if you chose to go that path.

It might be difficult right now but I trust in your resilience and inner healing power.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

PS: While we are stepping into a darker season let me help you shine some light on your healing path. 💜 Click here and make an appointment for a free phone call.

Which tasks did you have to take on after your loved one died?

6/4/2016

Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible. - Francis of Assisi / HealingForGrievingHearts.com

When we are in a relationship we help each other out with various tasks. It is just normal to share the daily duties like financial tasks, taxes, driving, grocery shopping etc...

One of my clients told me that her husband was the one that would always drive them to appointments and outings.

When he died two years ago she was somewhat stranded in her house, living in a rural community with almost no public transit.

She was lucky that she had a friend that would go grocery shopping with her or take her to doctors appointments. But she also felt that she could not impose on her friend all the time and so stayed home a lot of times.

She just told me that she bought a second-hand car six months ago and is now mobile again. I’m sure it took lots of courage to buy the car and being in the drivers seat again. Although I had nothing to do with it, I feel so proud of her. (You know who you are and I cheer for you! smile)

There are so many smaller and bigger steps that you have to take when you lose a loved one. Which tasks did you have to take on after your loved one died?

To find a new way to step out into the world takes all your courage and strength.

I bow to you for taking that step every day.

Love and blessings,
Jacqueline

PS: I offer free Grief Relief Sessions. I will help you to find a new clarity on your unique situation, a plan for powerful next steps, and relieve of unresolved feelings. (value $300)

Take out your phone now and call me. (smile)
You can reach me at 01-902-237-5011 to make an appointment or send me an email at Jacqueline(at)HealingForGrievingHearts.com

Do you know the feeling of resentment?

1/3/2016

We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know. by W.H.Auden - HealingForGrievingHearts.com

When I work with clients various feelings come up for them and they are never the same for any one.

One of the feelings that might stop you in your tracks is resentment towards your loved one that has died.

All of a sudden you are left behind with all the tasks and chores that you shared. It is now up to you to look after everything.

The following tasks might lie heavy on your heart and overwhelm you even if you have done it before:
- parenting your children
- looking after an elderly parent
- paying bills and preparing taxes
- looking after your home
- make decisions alone

Every time you feel the resentment towards these chores you might also feel a stab of guilt. Guilt that you cannot let it be, that you are weak, that you obviously don't love your loved one as much as you thought.

Resentment will block your energy which you need to deal with the difficult situation that has come your way.

How to overcome this feeling of resentment and guilt?

One step is to acknowledge it as a normal reaction to a very difficult situation, a situation you had no control over.

Now it is time to get help from family members, friends, financial advisors (there are free consultations available), legal advice etc.

You don't have to make every decision yourself. Getting help will support you on your new path.

I wish you that you will find the help you need.

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Is there comfort in sharing your memories of your loved one?

“What is it about summer that I am missing my husband even more?”

When will my grief be over? When will I recover from all this sadness?

Which tasks did you have to take on after your loved one died?

Do you know the feeling of resentment?

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