Category: Mindfulness

My Garden Is My Happy Place

6/5/2018

Spring at last in Nova Scotia.

If you are not in these parts at home you might wonder why I declare spring only now.

Spring starts for me when the first leaves come out on a particular tree in our backyard.
Today, it happened.

The first leaves are out. They are small and fragile. The lush green is so wonderful to see - again.

A sunny warm day brought me out into the garden to tackle all kinds of weed. It is a hands-on job on my knees. It is not always comfortable to hunker down like that but the smell.

The smell of the fresh earth and the green gras just make my heart sing.

I was reminded again how important it is to dig in the earth. To take in the smells, and letting long forgotten memories pass me by while doing my work.

I felt tired afterwards but also rewarded and happy.

Did you know that multiple studies have shown how playing in the dirt can have a drastic impact on our mental health?

Here is a great short article by Alanna Ketler

So get out there if you feel a bit down. If you don’t have a garden yourself go to a public garden and put your hands into the soil.

Take off your shoes and walk the ground.

Have fun playing and getting dirty. (smile)

Take good care,

Jacqueline

What is your biggest wish today?

14/1/2018

The future depends on what you do today. Mahatma Gandhi HealingForGrievingHearts.com

January 14, 2018

I hope your new year has greeted you well. A new year always brings reflection about where we have been and where we want to go.

What is your biggest wish today?

After the loss of a loved one. Your world can feel upside down. You are living a new reality that has been thrown at you and sometimes you wish that....

What is that one wish you have right now? Unfortunately you cannot bring back your old life with your loved one. So what is it?

Don’t dismiss it. (smile) Just think about if for a moment.
Feel into your heart and listen.
Perhaps it is a good idea to close your eyes to hear your inner wish better.

Now, write that wish on a piece of paper or in your journal if you have one.

Is it a wish that you feel is achievable or is it a wish that is so out there that it will take years to fulfill it?

Either way. Take that wish seriously.

Write it down.

Tomorrow look at that wish again and see if your wish has changed over night.

Does it need adjustment? If so write that change next to your wish.

Try to look at your wish every day for the next one to three weeks.
If you would like you can also visualize how your life will look like when your wish becomes reality.

Maybe your wish changes to something new over time. Or it stays the same.

By starting to acknowledge your wishes and your hopes your brain will start to function in a new way. It will start to think towards the fulfillment of that wish and start to plot and create possibilities to make it happen.

When we are grieving it is difficult for us to think of anything else than the pain and sorrow we feel. Sometimes it is good to give our brain something else to think about.

Yes, such a "distraction" can lead to new insights of your life and reality.

It is possible that your thoughts will go in the opposite direction and will tell you that you will never be able to achieve that wish. If that happens, send me an email. I am here to help you. I answer every email personally.

You might find the above recommendation a bit too simple. I understand, but still….(smile)

Just try it out for one week. Give it just seven days of attention and see if you feel a change in your attitude and well-being after that week.

If you like to share your experience; I am here for you.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

PS: The Healing Rituals course will launch on January 19, 2018.

PSS: Give me a call. I am here for you. ☎️ This is a free offer and no sales pitch.

Can you transform your grief?

4/4/2017

Transformation Happens - Listen Quietly HealingForGrievingHearts.com

Before losing my mother, I had lost people that were close. I did understand that without them there would always be a scar on my heart. Life without them wasn’t the same anymore.

Despite all that knowledge and my training as an art therapist I thought that one day that scar wouldn’t hurt anymore. After dealing with the shock and the pain I would just move on with my life thinking of them in a loving way but without pain. Transforming all my grief.

Two weeks ago, my mother would have celebrated her 87th Birthday if she would still be with us. When the day came I couldn’t believe that despite her being dead for almost four years it was again a tough day.

I realized once more that grief is an ongoing process that will last a lifetime. Yes, it does quietly change and transform into something new but still....

These special dates can bring to the surface a mix of love and grief.

We might experience it as feelings of being ‘off’ and we are not quite sure why. Then we remember the closing in of a date or an anniversary and we feel the pain.

It is like our body has stored the memory in our cells and when the day comes closer these cells take over.

What helps me a great deal on those days are rituals and the permission that I give myself to have a good cry.

Whether you are grieving a recent loss or one from long ago, my heart goes out to you.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

PS: If you like to talk to someone outside your inner circle about the grief you experience click reply now or click on the phone and make an appointment for a free call. ☎️
This free offer is open to former Healing for Grieving Hearts clients too.

Grief explained by an old man

19/8/2015

Grief is like the Ocean it comes in waves.... www.HealingForGrievingHearts.com

A beautiful story of grief, scars that deep love leaves behind, the crashing waves of sadness that overwhelm you sometimes.

We don't know where it originated and I don't know who wrote it but the following resonated deeply with me.

I share a part of it here and you can find the whole text at: http://www.tickld.com/x/old-man-explains-death-and-life-to-grieving-young-man

I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not.

I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents...

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. But I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it.   Scars are a testament to life.

Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.

As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life. ... more at http://www.tickld.com/x/old-man-explains-death-and-life-to-grieving-young-man

Does this story resonate with you?
In what way?

Get in touch to tell me about your experience. I offer free phone sessions.

Get the Healing Notes here.

Can you make self-care a priority this month?

7/7/2015

We must always change, renew, rejuvenate ourselves; otherwise, we harden. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe www.HealingForGrievingHearts.com

With the beginning of July everything slows down a bit in my life. During that time I am always in danger to take on new challenges instead of embracing the calm and quiet that the summer months bring.

I have more time to be creative in my studio, take long walks in the morning before it gets too hot, and have finally time to attend to a very overgrown garden. (smile)

This year I want to focus on a mindful break and self-care.
Taking care of my needs for meditation, alone time, and creativity will be the priority.

What does self-care look like to you?

Is it walking, dancing, singing, meditating or preparing a good meal with fresh ingredients?
Or is it being alone in silence, taking a long shower, or being with friends at a busy beach?

I dare you to make a self-care plan for the next two weeks.
Listen to your inner voice and take at least 30 minutes per day to do something that fills you with content and yes happiness.

I would like to hear what self-care means to you.

Please let me know and I promise to answer each email personally. (smile)

Blessings,
Jacqueline

Healing Happens Sometimes Unseen

19/5/2015

Be gentle to yourself. Your heart will tell you when you are ready to open up again. HealingForGrievingHearts.com

Over the last couple of weeks I have been in awe with nature.
We had so much snow and then the snow melted and revealed the growing that must have gone on for some time under all the layers of snow.

All of a sudden the garlic was showing its tips at the beginning of May and today it is more than a foot (30 cm) up.

Healing has the same quality like the layers of snow covering the growth underneath.

While we are still in the midst of our feelings and our sadness we don’t realize that our actions of acknowledging the loss and honouring the time we had together helps us to heal.

Healing instills new growth of awareness, gentleness and mindfulness.

We can recover and grow unseen.

When the time comes we shed the layers and show our blooming self again.

Healing and blessings!

Take good care,
Jacqueline

PS: Don't forget if you or a family member needs personalized grief support, please don't hesitate to tell them about my free offer that will continue in 2015:
I would like to give back and offer you and your friends my compassionate and listening heart for a free comforting 30 minute call. There are no strings attached to this call (This is not a sales pitch). It is important to me to help as many as I can.

If you feel you would like to speak to someone that understands grief and is outside of your direct relationship circle please take advantage of this offer. You will have my full compassionate attention and we will find little steps to help you breath easier and start your healing process.

If you know of someone that might be in need of a comforting talk please feel free to pass the offer on.

How to sign up for the free compassionate call? Just press reply and let me know that you are interested and I will be in touch to find a suitable time for both of us. If you know someone that needs help you can send them the contact form link on my website http://www.healingforgrievinghearts.com/contact.html

How shame can stop you on your healing path

21/4/2015

Today, I am celebrating the rain in Nova Scotia. (smile) The rain will help melt the snow that has obscured the growth of plants and delayed spring. Finally the blanket of white is lifting. Green is starting to appear and other colours will join nature again - soon - I hope.

Last week I read a Facebook post by Elizabeth Gilbert about shame and especially tribal shaming.
From Elizabeth's post:
A tribe being your family, your religion, your neighborhood, your nationality, your culture, etc.
Simply put: Our tribe of origin tells us who we are.
Our tribe tells us what to believe and how to behave.
Each tribe is governed by its own rules. These rules constitute the honor code that defines every tribe’s essence....

You can find Elizabeth’s post at http://on.fb.me/1E0abLL It is a long post but it is worth your time to read it all. She also explains how to step out of the shame circle. (You don’t have to be on Facebook to read it.)

Her post resonated deeply with me and coincided with stories I have heard from women I work with.

One woman told me, that she went to a potluck supper in her neighbourhood after a year of experiencing multiple loses and lots of healing work. It took her a lot of strength to step out and join. But then people wouldn’t speak to her. They would avoid being near her and one person even said in a loud voice, that she was surprised to see her at the event. My client got the message: "Shouldn’t you be at home grieving?” first she felt angry and then she felt ashamed. In this instance all her strength and trust that she had built disappeared. It took her a while to step out again.

The tribe we have been born in, the one we live in will determine rules that define the tribe’s essence. If we step outside the rules we might face adversity and puzzled looks.
We might even feel ashamed that we don’t fit in anymore.

What if your tribe supports the following rules:

Grief is something private and shouldn’t be shared.
A mother that has lost her child will never be happy again.
A woman that has lost her husband and is still grieving after 2 years is a drama queen.

or they could be:

Grief is something we share and heal together.
A mother’s grief is sacred and we welcome her returning smile into the world.
Grief is unique and we accept that everyone is different and that there is no time frame.

Sometimes it is good to have a look at our own tribal rules and to decide to no longer hurt others and ourselves through those rules.

In her post Elizabeth Gilbert explains how to overcome our shame and live more healthy and happy again. http://on.fb.me/1E0abLL
(I am not affiliated with her in any way. I just felt that she shares a very important message for all of us.)

Take good care on your healing path.

Love and blessings,
Jacqueline

What a donkey taught me

7/4/2015

Equine Assisted Therapy can also help with grief. Donkeys are very intuitive and can help the healing process. www.HealingForGrievingHearts.com

Florian, my teacher the donkey.

My time in Switzerland was wonderful. I enjoyed the warm weather and the spring flowers in the gardens. The colours were a joy to soak in.

The little ritual for my mother’s Birthday helped me once more to honour and celebrate her life.

Every time I go to Switzerland my days are filled with visits to see all my friends and family members. Sometimes I am in such a hurry to see everyone that I forget to spend real time, quite time with my friends and family.

Then I met Flo (Florian). He is one of my sister-in-law’s donkies.

They have five donkies, two horses, one mule, one dog and two cats. You can imagine that they spend a lot of time in the stables, cleaning, feeding, riding and just spending time with them all.

My sister-in-law has a degree in Horse and Donkey Assisted Therapy also called Equine Assisted Therapy. Her stories of healing and support are impressive. My brother is working with the elderly and there are also two horses at his workplace.

I was glad that I chose to see my brother and his wife on my first weekend in Switzerland.

We had time to sit, to chat, to catch up on each other's lives and went on a little track with two of the donkies. I was given Flo because he had greeted me right away when I had stepped into the stable the day before.

I learned how to lead Flo, lovingly but with clear intentions.

Not getting distracted by his nudging on my arm or him stopping in the middle of the road was difficult in the beginning.

But then I realized that it was quite easy when I tuned into his needs and his pace and at the same time became clear about my pace, to lead, to be clear, and to stay calm.

His gift to me was a feeling of being centered and relaxed that never left me during my stay. In hindsight I realized that I spent more 'real' time with my friends and family because of the calm I felt.

What did Flo teach me?

To be present, to tune into a new challenge and to adjust to the new situation, to be firm and loving at the same time. All things that I knew before but just needed to be reminded of.

What is it that you need to be reminded of?

Love and blessings,
Jacqueline

Nature is ready for new growth

13/1/2015

Nature is a wonderful teacher when we want to step out of our grief.

The world has turned white overnight and it is a sunny but very cold day here in Nova Scotia.

I love winter, when it is really cold and the snow squeaks under my boots when I go for a walk.

While wandering around in the new snowy landscape this morning bundled up to my nose I realized once more how much nature has already prepared for a new growing season.

I found many buds on our Rhododendrons and trees hidden under the snow and ice seemingly oblivious to the cold temperatures of up to -30 degrees Celsius (around -22 Fahrenheit).

Nature reflects back to us what could be waiting inside our soul. We might experience a winter inside when we feel cold and disconnected to the world because a loss is overshadowing everything else.

But like in nature there might already be some buds waiting for the season to change, for the soul to heal, for the support to arrive. Those buds of warmth, memories without pain, love, and moments of new adventures might just be waiting for you to be discovered.

I hope you will find time today and in the coming weeks to keep an eye out for those buds of growths and healing inside and out.

Take good care,
Jacqueline