Category: Self Care

My Garden Is My Happy Place

6/5/2018

Spring at last in Nova Scotia.

If you are not in these parts at home you might wonder why I declare spring only now.

Spring starts for me when the first leaves come out on a particular tree in our backyard.
Today, it happened.

The first leaves are out. They are small and fragile. The lush green is so wonderful to see - again.

A sunny warm day brought me out into the garden to tackle all kinds of weed. It is a hands-on job on my knees. It is not always comfortable to hunker down like that but the smell.

The smell of the fresh earth and the green gras just make my heart sing.

I was reminded again how important it is to dig in the earth. To take in the smells, and letting long forgotten memories pass me by while doing my work.

I felt tired afterwards but also rewarded and happy.

Did you know that multiple studies have shown how playing in the dirt can have a drastic impact on our mental health?

Here is a great short article by Alanna Ketler

So get out there if you feel a bit down. If you don’t have a garden yourself go to a public garden and put your hands into the soil.

Take off your shoes and walk the ground.

Have fun playing and getting dirty. (smile)

Take good care,

Jacqueline

Do I Need To Pay Attention To My Resilience?

8/4/2018

Your-Resilience-Grows-With-You-Healing-For-Grieving-Hearts

Resilience has been on my mind lately again.

Psychologically resilience is defined as
an individual’s ability to adapt to stress and adversity.

Some of the factors that make someone resilient are:

a positive attitude
optimism
flexibility in thinking
the ability to regulate emotions
the ability to see failure as a form of helpful feedback
a believe in oneself
to take responsibility for one’s life
seek good relationships
acceptance of self, others, and life

Even after misfortune, resilient people are blessed with such an outlook that they are able to change course and carry on.

This does not mean that you just have to think positively and everything will fall into place.
Resilience is much more than that.

After a tragedy, like an illness that changes a career one might be very realistic and deal with the new situation by adjusting her possibilities.

Another person might go on and pursue a dream they didn’t think was worth taking seriously before the tragic event.

A third will find new meaning because they believe that there is a better future.

Resilient people don’t walk between the raindrops; they have scars to show for their experience. They struggle — but keep functioning anyway. Resilience is not the ability to escape unharmed.
Quote by Hara Estroff Marano

And the following quote in regards to grief sums it up quite well.

If one has always met life’s problems with strength and assurance, it is reasonable to assume that he [she] will meet this experience the same way. One who has been easily distressed by circumstances may be so disturbed by the encounter with death that he [she] will need guidance and special help.
- Edgar N. Jackson

We forme resilience over a lifetime.

In reality we have considerable capacity for strength, although we might not always be aware of it. Feelings of loss and grief can overshadow our ability of resilience.

That is where a helping hand of a friend or a therapist comes in. She will remind you of your resilience, your strength and your abilities. He will help you overcome the sadness that overshadows them.

Sometimes you need others to show you your strength that you have built over a life time.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

Is there comfort in sharing your memories of your loved one?

3/9/2017

Life teaches you resilience - that ability to bounce back. Kate Reardon - HealingForGrievingHearts.com

Would you say that you are a resilient person? That you find comfort by remembering your loved one while grieving his/her death?

It seems a bit odd to say that there might be a hidden comfort when you are in the middle of grief.

“However, resilient people seem generally to find comfort in talking about or thinking about the deceased. They can feel happy or at peace by doing so,”
writes George Bonanno in his book The Other Side of Sadness

I agree with him.
By talking and remembering your loved one, you add comfort to your difficult journey. You will experience that your relationship is not completely gone. Or even that some part of it is still alive.

Are you one of these people? Does the sharing of memories help and comfort you?

If not, try to start with little steps to activate your resilience. Talk about and share the stories of your loved one. Remember your relationship and share it with your friends or in a bereavement group.

If you feel like you cannot hold on to the positive memories, or like the memories are lost, find a friend or family member. Let them share their stories about your loved one. This will help you both. 💜

Take good care,
Jacqueline

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“What is it about summer that I am missing my husband even more?”

20/8/2017

Self-care is how you take your power back. Lalah Delia - HealingforGrievingHearts.com

“What is it about summer that I am missing my husband even more?”

This is a question a friend asked me the other day.
Her question didn’t surprise me.

In summer, everyone seems to be out and about and having a great time with family and friends. No one seems to worry about things. Everyone is in a good mood and happy.

If you mourn the loss of a loved one the activity around you can make you even more sad. It shows you what has been. It shows you what could have been.

It is sometimes difficult not to get overwhelmed by pain when so much is happening around you. You might even feel pressure that you should be the same happy summer person you were before.

What to do, you ask?

Create a day where you look back at all the memories of fun times with your loved one.
Where they always during the summer?
What were the places you went together?
What were the activities?

Talk to your friends about it. Is there an activity that you miss and would like to take on again with one of your friends? Let them know you need their support.

You could also create a mini retreat in your home to get away from the summer crowd. Read a book, watch your favourite movies, cry, sing in the shower, and cook your favourite food. Care for yourself.

Let me know what you think and what helps you. I love to learn from you.

Take good (self-) care,
Jacqueline

PS: Give me a call. I am here for you. ☎️
This free offer is open to former Healing for Grieving Hearts clients too.

Grief will always hit us when we experience loss.

20/6/2017

Sharing your tears with others will help you heal - HealingForGrievingHearts.com

Grief will always hit us when we experience loss.

Do you find this statement to be true?

Not that long ago we had a discussion among friends asking ourselves this question.

We were divided and shared our experiences. Some felt that no matter what they did in the past that grief would hit them like a brick wall when a new loss happened.

Some said that because they had gone through a grieving process before with the help of someone or a group they felt more prepared. They would still grieve and feel the pain but that they had more insight, rituals, and knew with whom to share their feelings.

Just the knowledge that there were people out there that would understand them made the loss and grief less difficult.

You might experience both sides.

If you experience the sadness, pain and grief of losing a loved one and feel overwhelmed by your emotions you might want to have a look where you can get help.

Most towns have small bereavement groups that are free to attend. They are a good point to start if you don’t have anyone else. You can find them by searching the Internet or look at your local hospital's website.

Sharing memories about your loved one is healing. Even talking about how your loved one died can help you to let go of feelings that overwhelm you.

All of you that have been in an overwhelming grief situation know how difficult it can be to take this first step.

You can do it!

Take good care and don't forget I can help you too (smile),
Jacqueline

PS: If you like to talk to someone outside your inner circle about the grief you experience click reply now or click on the phone and make an appointment for a free call. ☎️ I can help you.
This free offer is open to former Healing for Grieving Hearts clients too.

Which word will transform your new year?

11/1/2017

Give yourself permission to take steps to fly. HealingForGrievingHearts.com

Happy New Year!
May it be a blessed one filled with good health, colourful days, and healing.

I hope you had a good start into the new year and that the holiday season treated you gently. It isn't always easy to get through those days of celebration when we don't feel like it.

When talking to people about their wishes for the new year they often mentioned that they chose a word for the new year.

I do that on a regular basis too. It helps me to take new steps and supports my wish for the new beginning. Plus the word can change during the year. 💜

Last year’s word was self-care. I managed quite well until the fall. Then work got busy and I forgot to keep myself accountable on my self-care promise. The result was a pinched nerve in my back mid December. Ouch! Still recuperating but I am much better.

This year’s word is Create.

I want to create:

helpful content for you
moments to relax and enjoy life
an online course that will help initiate healing
time to read, see friends more often, and go for long walks
meditations, paintings, and creative walks

If you would chose a word for 2017, what would it be? What will support you on your healing path?

Please share your word. 💜

Take good care,
Jacqueline

When have you last taken a vacation?

21/6/2016

When have you last taken a vacation? I mean a real vacation. Leaving everything behind. Taking time to unwind and just be.

You might think: What has that to do with grief? What is she getting at?

Would you not like to take a time out from your grief, from feeling overwhelmed and sad?

You might think that it wouldn’t be right to look after yourself and invest in a day, weekend or even a week at the beach, on the river, reading on a mountain hill, or paint plain air in a public garden.

When we grieve we often neglect the things that can help balance our mood, that uplift our spirit, and help us heal.

What is the most enjoyable thing you liked to do by yourself before your loved one died?

If you did everything together and my prompt makes you even more heartbroken, take pen and paper and write all the things down that you enjoyed doing together. Perhaps these memories trigger tears but I hope that they also bring a smile to your lips thinking of all the adventures you shared.

Perhaps there is an activity that would not be too painful to take on again on your own. If you still can’t think of anything have a look at your childhood. What was it that you did a lot and that made you smile? It could be a small thing like jumping into a puddle.

This week I challenge you to take a time out.

Remember that you make your own rules. You can share your self-care time with a friend or family member. (smile)
It can be an hour long or a whole week. Just do it.

Let me know how it worked for you.

I am taking two weeks off. I will be in rainy and soggy Switzerland and might just take that jump into a puddle. I will be back with you on July 6.

Take good care of yourself,
Jacqueline

Do you know the feeling of resentment?

1/3/2016

We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know. by W.H.Auden - HealingForGrievingHearts.com

When I work with clients various feelings come up for them and they are never the same for any one.

One of the feelings that might stop you in your tracks is resentment towards your loved one that has died.

All of a sudden you are left behind with all the tasks and chores that you shared. It is now up to you to look after everything.

The following tasks might lie heavy on your heart and overwhelm you even if you have done it before:
- parenting your children
- looking after an elderly parent
- paying bills and preparing taxes
- looking after your home
- make decisions alone

Every time you feel the resentment towards these chores you might also feel a stab of guilt. Guilt that you cannot let it be, that you are weak, that you obviously don't love your loved one as much as you thought.

Resentment will block your energy which you need to deal with the difficult situation that has come your way.

How to overcome this feeling of resentment and guilt?

One step is to acknowledge it as a normal reaction to a very difficult situation, a situation you had no control over.

Now it is time to get help from family members, friends, financial advisors (there are free consultations available), legal advice etc.

You don't have to make every decision yourself. Getting help will support you on your new path.

I wish you that you will find the help you need.

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How do you feel about receiving?

26/1/2016

Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it. -Rabindranath Tagore - HealingforGrievingHearts.com

In my last post I told you about my pending surgery and my fear of loosing control.

In the end I just feel very humbled by the care and support I received.

Yes, I had to give up control but at the same time I received the care and expertise of doctors and nurses that knew what to do when I felt nauseated by the medications or overwhelmed by getting out of bed for the first time. (smile)

Friends and family were there for me with their healing thoughts and wonderful food. (smile)

I am still recovering and I am taking one day at a time. I focus on what is most important at each moment like relationships with friends, family and clients, and the love I feel for life itself.

I will take care of myself by balancing my activities, take even more time in nature, and by incorporating the advices I give my clients: (smile)

reach out for help
receive support
take nurturing breaks
meditate
be creative

How do you feel when you open up to receive?
Please share your thoughts with me. I will answer each email.

I will be happy to make time for you. (smile)

Blessings,
Jacqueline

What a donkey taught me

7/4/2015

Equine Assisted Therapy can also help with grief. Donkeys are very intuitive and can help the healing process. www.HealingForGrievingHearts.com

Florian, my teacher the donkey.

My time in Switzerland was wonderful. I enjoyed the warm weather and the spring flowers in the gardens. The colours were a joy to soak in.

The little ritual for my mother’s Birthday helped me once more to honour and celebrate her life.

Every time I go to Switzerland my days are filled with visits to see all my friends and family members. Sometimes I am in such a hurry to see everyone that I forget to spend real time, quite time with my friends and family.

Then I met Flo (Florian). He is one of my sister-in-law’s donkies.

They have five donkies, two horses, one mule, one dog and two cats. You can imagine that they spend a lot of time in the stables, cleaning, feeding, riding and just spending time with them all.

My sister-in-law has a degree in Horse and Donkey Assisted Therapy also called Equine Assisted Therapy. Her stories of healing and support are impressive. My brother is working with the elderly and there are also two horses at his workplace.

I was glad that I chose to see my brother and his wife on my first weekend in Switzerland.

We had time to sit, to chat, to catch up on each other's lives and went on a little track with two of the donkies. I was given Flo because he had greeted me right away when I had stepped into the stable the day before.

I learned how to lead Flo, lovingly but with clear intentions.

Not getting distracted by his nudging on my arm or him stopping in the middle of the road was difficult in the beginning.

But then I realized that it was quite easy when I tuned into his needs and his pace and at the same time became clear about my pace, to lead, to be clear, and to stay calm.

His gift to me was a feeling of being centered and relaxed that never left me during my stay. In hindsight I realized that I spent more 'real' time with my friends and family because of the calm I felt.

What did Flo teach me?

To be present, to tune into a new challenge and to adjust to the new situation, to be firm and loving at the same time. All things that I knew before but just needed to be reminded of.

What is it that you need to be reminded of?

Love and blessings,
Jacqueline