Resilience has been on my mind lately again. 

Psychologically resilience is defined as
an individual’s ability to adapt to stress and adversity.

Some of the factors that make someone resilient are:

•         a positive attitude
•         optimism
•         flexibility in thinking
•         the ability to regulate emotions
•         the ability to see failure as a form of helpful feedback
•         a believe in oneself
•         to take responsibility for one’s life
•         seek good relationships
•         acceptance of self, others, and life

Even after misfortune, resilient people are blessed with such an outlook that they are able to change course and carry on.

This does not mean that you just have to think positively and everything will fall into place.
Resilience is much more than that.

After a tragedy, like an illness that changes a career one might be very realistic and deal with the new situation by adjusting her possibilities.

Another person might go on and pursue a dream they didn’t think was worth taking seriously before the tragic event.

A third will find new meaning because they believe that there is a better future.

Resilient people don’t walk between the raindrops; they have scars to show for their experience. They struggle — but keep functioning anyway. Resilience is not the ability to escape unharmed. 
Quote by Hara Estroff Marano

And the following quote in regards to grief sums it up quite well.

If one has always met life’s problems with strength and assurance, it is reasonable to assume that he [she] will meet this experience the same way. One who has been easily distressed by circumstances may be so disturbed by the encounter with death that he [she] will need guidance and special help.
- Edgar N. Jackson

We forme resilience over a lifetime.

In reality we have considerable capacity for strength, although we might not always be aware of it. Feelings of loss and grief can overshadow our ability of resilience.

That is where a helping hand of a friend or a therapist comes in. She will remind you of your resilience, your strength and your abilities. He will help you overcome the sadness that overshadows them.

Sometimes you need others to show you your strength that you have built over a life time.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

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When have you last taken a vacation? I mean a real vacation. Leaving everything behind. Taking time to unwind and just be. 

You might think: What has that to do with grief? What is she getting at? 

Would you not like to take a time out from your grief, from feeling overwhelmed and sad?

You might think that it wouldn’t be right to look after yourself and invest in a day, weekend or even a week at the beach, on the river, reading on a mountain hill, or paint plain air in a public garden. 

When we grieve we often neglect the things that can help balance our mood, that uplift our spirit, and help us heal.

What is the most enjoyable thing you liked to do by yourself before your loved one died?

If you did everything together and my prompt makes you even more heartbroken, take pen and paper and write all the things down that you enjoyed doing together. Perhaps these memories trigger tears but I hope that they also bring a smile to your lips thinking of all the adventures you shared. 

Perhaps there is an activity that would not be too painful to take on again on your own. If you still can’t think of anything have a look at your childhood. What was it that you did a lot and that made you smile? It could be a small thing like jumping into a puddle. 

This week I challenge you to take a time out. 

Remember that you make your own rules. You can share your self-care time with a friend or family member. (smile)
It can be an hour long or a whole week. Just do it.

Let me know how it worked for you. 

I am taking two weeks off. I will be in rainy and soggy Switzerland and might just take that jump into a puddle. I will be back with you on July 6. 

Take good care of yourself,
Jacqueline