Category: Memories

Do You Have A Safe Space to Express Your Grief?

11/3/2018

Yesterday, I read this touching article by Sarah Kravits here. She explains how her car became her griefmobile.

I like that expression. It conveys not only a place to grief but also the movement that our grief and feelings go through.

In short; Sarah Kravits explains how her car became the place where she feels safe to express her grief for her brother that was killed by a drunken driver.

A song on the radio, or a similar car like her brother drove, can trigger her grief.

I’m still not sure why I don’t grieve much around other people; I don’t seem to have much control over that choice, so I accept it. I am grateful for the on-demand safe space my Griefmobile offers. I keep a box of tissues between the front seats. - Sarah Kravits

Can you relate to her story?

I can.

I have encountered times when being on the road listening to music a song comes on that transports me back in time. I am in the car with my healthy mother before dementia took her away piece by piece and before she died.

I remember deep and meaningful discussions. Silly and humorous moments we shared on our car journeys together.

Sometimes that memory overflows with love. And the next moment, I am driving while crying my heart out.

Other times I just want to scream - and between us - I do.

My car is a safe space where I can sing, laugh, cry, and scream whenever I want.

Just a word of caution; Don’t scream in your car while parked in a parking lot with lots of people around. (smile)

Last night I was on Netflix (yes, I do that too). In the movie, a mother had lost her son and sat for hours in her car listening to his iPod. It made her feel safe and close to her son.

We all need a safe space where we can express our feelings without judgement.

It is OK to use your car as your griefmobile.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

PS: Give me a call. I am here for you. ☎️

Remembering a friend that died too young

28/1/2018

Enjoy Natures Beauty in any Season. - HealingForGrievingHearts.com

A few days ago we had this brilliant sunny day after a snowfall. The air was crisp. The sunshine flooded everything. Little stars seemed to radiate their warmth from frozen leaves on bushes.

The whole atmosphere reminded me of skiing in the Swiss Alps with my college boyfriend. He was funny, smart, handsome, and the best teacher to improve skills in skiing. (smile)

One winter, we were in the mountains with his friends. He wanted to show off and claimed that his girlfriend had learned so much from him that she could take on the steepest hill on the mountain. Would I have not been in love with him and wanted him to be proud, I would have never agreed to get down that hill. (smile)

He always told me to put my whole weight on my skies so that I had the best control over them. That day I did just that and made it down the hill in one piece. To this day I tell myself sometimes: “Push your whole weight down on the ground for best control.”

Over time, our relationship changed and we split up but stayed good friends. He got killed in a motorcycle accident just before his 25th birthday. Loosing my friend was devastating at that time and my grief was deep and unexpected painful.

On this sunny snow day, I remembered him, his jokes, and his advice.

I will plant my feet firmly on the ground for the weeks to come.

My love for him, our friendship will always have a special place in my heart.

What does trigger your memories?
Who is on your mind today?

Sharing our stories is a part of the healing process.

Memories assure us that our heart will always keep a loving space for our loved ones that have died too early.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

PS: Healing Rituals online course is now available.

Is there comfort in sharing your memories of your loved one?

3/9/2017

Life teaches you resilience - that ability to bounce back. Kate Reardon - HealingForGrievingHearts.com

Would you say that you are a resilient person? That you find comfort by remembering your loved one while grieving his/her death?

It seems a bit odd to say that there might be a hidden comfort when you are in the middle of grief.

“However, resilient people seem generally to find comfort in talking about or thinking about the deceased. They can feel happy or at peace by doing so,”
writes George Bonanno in his book The Other Side of Sadness

I agree with him.
By talking and remembering your loved one, you add comfort to your difficult journey. You will experience that your relationship is not completely gone. Or even that some part of it is still alive.

Are you one of these people? Does the sharing of memories help and comfort you?

If not, try to start with little steps to activate your resilience. Talk about and share the stories of your loved one. Remember your relationship and share it with your friends or in a bereavement group.

If you feel like you cannot hold on to the positive memories, or like the memories are lost, find a friend or family member. Let them share their stories about your loved one. This will help you both. 💜

Take good care,
Jacqueline

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Finding your next step in life after loss

16/7/2017

Give yourself the support system you need. It might include asking for help. -HealingForGrievingHearts.com

It isn’t easy to find the next step in life when you experience overwhelming grief. The sadness and despair over the death of your loved one might sometimes feel unbearable. Hang in there.

Scenario 1
Your loved one was a part of your next steps. You had dreams and plans for the future together. There was a gentle understanding between the two of you what would come next. Now that she/he is gone you have no future steps to take.

Scenario 2
Your loved one was not in agreement with your vision of the future. Still you tried to move both of you to that dream of yours. You negotiated and fought for it. Now that he/she is gone you have no further steps to take.

Both scenarios leave you behind with unfulfilled wishes and dreams. Dreams and wishes that were directly linked to your loved one. No matter if it was a struggle or not. You might also feel regret that you didn’t move faster. That you waited too long because you didn’t know that your time together would be cut short.

Now what?

The next step is something that only you can take. It will be a step of mourning these wishes and dreams as well as the loss of your loved one.

Yes, it is a whole life that you had envisioned that has gone as well with the death of your loved one.

You are still here. Your love for him/her is still within you. Your dreams are still lingering and it hurts like hell that you can’t change the past.

The next step is to find a support system that will help you mourn the loved one you have lost. Help you grieve the dreams and wishes that might not possible anymore without them.

The next step for you can be rituals that help you in your unique grieving process. I already wrote about the possibilities of rituals. You can find all these posts here.

Take good care and don't hesitate to reach out,
Jacqueline

PS: If you like to talk to someone outside your inner circle about the grief you experience click here to schedule a free call. ☎️

How to honour the life of a loved one?

6/6/2017

There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self. -Aldous Huxley -HealingForGrievingHearts.com

The last weekend turned into devastation for many people that visited London and had a good time out and about.

My heart goes out to all the families, friends, and colleagues that have lost someone or are caring for a loved one still in hospital.

You might have heard the story of the young woman from Canada that was hit by the van and then died in her fiancé's arms.

Her family found a way to honour her that I felt inspiring. Chrissy had worked for years in a homeless shelter and cared deeply for others. Her family asked the public and friends to honour her by doing something good for others. Like donating time, bringing clothing or food to a homeless shelter and telling the staff that “Chrissy sent me”.

Immediately that sparked an outpouring of support to food banks and homeless shelters all over.

We as people connect to stories of loss and pain. We want to be there for each other. We appreciate when we are given a task or a gesture to honour the person that has died.

Why do I write about this?

In the midst of our grief we sometimes cannot see that others grief too. It is helpful to tell others what they can do to honour the person that has died.

I assure you it does not only help them but also you.

When my mother died I told everyone to bake (or buy) a cake for someone else that could use a little pick-me-up. My mother loved to bake cakes for others.

The emails and images I got from friends and family that took me up on this request were amazing. It made me cry but at the same time I had the feeling that my mother was really seen and honoured.

Perhaps there is something you would like to do today, that would honour your loved one? Go do it, even if it feels a bit silly.

PS: If you like to talk to someone outside your inner circle about the grief you experience click on the phone and make an appointment for a free call. ☎️
This free offer is open to former Healing for Grieving Hearts clients too.

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Do You Have A Safe Space to Express Your Grief?

Remembering a friend that died too young

Is there comfort in sharing your memories of your loved one?

Finding your next step in life after loss

How to honour the life of a loved one?

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