Category: Memories

Do You Have A Safe Space to Express Your Grief?

11/3/2018

Yesterday, I read this touching article by Sarah Kravits here. She explains how her car became her griefmobile.

I like that expression. It conveys not only a place to grief but also the movement that our grief and feelings go through.

In short; Sarah Kravits explains how her car became the place where she feels safe to express her grief for her brother that was killed by a drunken driver.

A song on the radio, or a similar car like her brother drove, can trigger her grief.

I’m still not sure why I don’t grieve much around other people; I don’t seem to have much control over that choice, so I accept it. I am grateful for the on-demand safe space my Griefmobile offers. I keep a box of tissues between the front seats. - Sarah Kravits

Can you relate to her story?

I can.

I have encountered times when being on the road listening to music a song comes on that transports me back in time. I am in the car with my healthy mother before dementia took her away piece by piece and before she died.

I remember deep and meaningful discussions. Silly and humorous moments we shared on our car journeys together.

Sometimes that memory overflows with love. And the next moment, I am driving while crying my heart out.

Other times I just want to scream - and between us - I do.

My car is a safe space where I can sing, laugh, cry, and scream whenever I want.

Just a word of caution; Don’t scream in your car while parked in a parking lot with lots of people around. (smile)

Last night I was on Netflix (yes, I do that too). In the movie, a mother had lost her son and sat for hours in her car listening to his iPod. It made her feel safe and close to her son.

We all need a safe space where we can express our feelings without judgement.

It is OK to use your car as your griefmobile.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

PS: Give me a call. I am here for you. ☎️

Remembering a friend that died too young

28/1/2018

Enjoy Natures Beauty in any Season. - HealingForGrievingHearts.com

A few days ago we had this brilliant sunny day after a snowfall. The air was crisp. The sunshine flooded everything. Little stars seemed to radiate their warmth from frozen leaves on bushes.

The whole atmosphere reminded me of skiing in the Swiss Alps with my college boyfriend. He was funny, smart, handsome, and the best teacher to improve skills in skiing. (smile)

One winter, we were in the mountains with his friends. He wanted to show off and claimed that his girlfriend had learned so much from him that she could take on the steepest hill on the mountain. Would I have not been in love with him and wanted him to be proud, I would have never agreed to get down that hill. (smile)

He always told me to put my whole weight on my skies so that I had the best control over them. That day I did just that and made it down the hill in one piece. To this day I tell myself sometimes: “Push your whole weight down on the ground for best control.”

Over time, our relationship changed and we split up but stayed good friends. He got killed in a motorcycle accident just before his 25th birthday. Loosing my friend was devastating at that time and my grief was deep and unexpected painful.

On this sunny snow day, I remembered him, his jokes, and his advice.

I will plant my feet firmly on the ground for the weeks to come.

My love for him, our friendship will always have a special place in my heart.

What does trigger your memories?
Who is on your mind today?

Sharing our stories is a part of the healing process.

Memories assure us that our heart will always keep a loving space for our loved ones that have died too early.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

PS: Healing Rituals online course is now available.

Is there comfort in sharing your memories of your loved one?

3/9/2017

Life teaches you resilience - that ability to bounce back. Kate Reardon - HealingForGrievingHearts.com

Would you say that you are a resilient person? That you find comfort by remembering your loved one while grieving his/her death?

It seems a bit odd to say that there might be a hidden comfort when you are in the middle of grief.

“However, resilient people seem generally to find comfort in talking about or thinking about the deceased. They can feel happy or at peace by doing so,”
writes George Bonanno in his book The Other Side of Sadness

I agree with him.
By talking and remembering your loved one, you add comfort to your difficult journey. You will experience that your relationship is not completely gone. Or even that some part of it is still alive.

Are you one of these people? Does the sharing of memories help and comfort you?

If not, try to start with little steps to activate your resilience. Talk about and share the stories of your loved one. Remember your relationship and share it with your friends or in a bereavement group.

If you feel like you cannot hold on to the positive memories, or like the memories are lost, find a friend or family member. Let them share their stories about your loved one. This will help you both. 💜

Take good care,
Jacqueline

PS: Want to receive the Healing Notes by email. Join now!

Finding your next step in life after loss

16/7/2017

Give yourself the support system you need. It might include asking for help. -HealingForGrievingHearts.com

It isn’t easy to find the next step in life when you experience overwhelming grief. The sadness and despair over the death of your loved one might sometimes feel unbearable. Hang in there.

Scenario 1
Your loved one was a part of your next steps. You had dreams and plans for the future together. There was a gentle understanding between the two of you what would come next. Now that she/he is gone you have no future steps to take.

Scenario 2
Your loved one was not in agreement with your vision of the future. Still you tried to move both of you to that dream of yours. You negotiated and fought for it. Now that he/she is gone you have no further steps to take.

Both scenarios leave you behind with unfulfilled wishes and dreams. Dreams and wishes that were directly linked to your loved one. No matter if it was a struggle or not. You might also feel regret that you didn’t move faster. That you waited too long because you didn’t know that your time together would be cut short.

Now what?

The next step is something that only you can take. It will be a step of mourning these wishes and dreams as well as the loss of your loved one.

Yes, it is a whole life that you had envisioned that has gone as well with the death of your loved one.

You are still here. Your love for him/her is still within you. Your dreams are still lingering and it hurts like hell that you can’t change the past.

The next step is to find a support system that will help you mourn the loved one you have lost. Help you grieve the dreams and wishes that might not possible anymore without him/her.

The next step for you can be rituals that help you in your unique grieving process. I already wrote about the possibilities of rituals. You can find all these posts here.

Take good care and don't hesitate to reach out,
Jacqueline

PS: If you like to talk to someone outside your inner circle about the grief you experience click here or click on the phone and make an appointment for a free call. ☎️

How to honour the life of a loved one?

6/6/2017

There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self. -Aldous Huxley -HealingForGrievingHearts.com

The last weekend turned into devastation for many people that visited London and had a good time out and about.

My heart goes out to all the families, friends, and colleagues that have lost someone or are caring for a loved one still in hospital.

You might have heard the story of the young woman from Canada that was hit by the van and then died in her fiancé's arms.

Her family found a way to honour her that I felt inspiring. Chrissy had worked for years in a homeless shelter and cared deeply for others. Her family asked the public and friends to honour her by doing something good for others. Like donating time, bringing clothing or food to a homeless shelter and telling the staff that “Chrissy sent me”.

Immediately that sparked an outpouring of support to food banks and homeless shelters all over.

We as people connect to stories of loss and pain. We want to be there for each other. We appreciate when we are given a task or a gesture to honour the person that has died.

Why do I write about this?

In the midst of our grief we sometimes cannot see that others grief too. It is helpful to tell others what they can do to honour the person that has died.

I assure you it does not only help them but also you.

When my mother died I told everyone to bake (or buy) a cake for someone else that could use a little pick-me-up. My mother loved to bake cakes for others.

The emais and images I got from friends and family that took me up on this request were amazing. It made me cry but at the same time I had the feeling that my mother was really seen and honoured.

Perhaps there is something you would like to do today, that would honour your loved one? Go do it, even if it feels a bit silly.

PS: If you like to talk to someone outside your inner circle about the grief you experience click on the phone and make an appointment for a free call. ☎️
This free offer is open to former Healing for Grieving Hearts clients too.

Is it possible to step away from your Grief?

12/7/2016

The gentle Healing for Grieving Hearts program will help you to navigate through your unique grieving process.

In my last post I gave you the advice to take time off. So that you could get away from your grief, from the overwhelm of your feelings by going on a vacation that could be an hour, a day, or even a week.

I still stand to the notion that you might want to start to add activities to your day that nurture you, that uplift your soul and make you smile.

You might have thought that this is difficult. You are right. Stepping away from your grief consciously is hard - even for just a moment.

My vacation lead me to Switzerland. I was stepping away from my everyday responsibilities but little did I know about my own feelings.

When I arrived in Switzerland I felt being pulled into my grief. There are too many places that are filled with memories of my mother. I was surprised how those feelings just flooded towards me.

So much for stepping away. (smile)

It was important to me to follow these feelings and to talk about my mother with relatives and friends.

The biggest healing part for me was a boat trip up the Lake of Zurich. To the island where we had celebrated my mother’s life and scattered her ashes into the lake like she had wished.

It was one of this wonderful clear days with the mountains visible at the horizon and the sun beaming.

I was glad to be alone on this trip with my mother residing inside my heart. She had always loved boat trips on the lake.

Yes, stepping away from your grief is hard although by doing it you connect with your resilience. You connect with your life force that is deeply embedded in you and wants to be nurtured to show itself.

What is an activity or place that helps you?

Please don’t hesitate to get in touch if you would like to find a clear answer.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

November 11th, 2015

11/11/2015

Share your memories to help you move forward in your grieving process.

Holidays are coming our way.

With them there might be even more reminders of the times we had
with our loved ones.

But instead of dreading these reminders I am challenging you to embrace them.

Yes, step gently into your fun and sad memories.

Share them, laugh about them, write them down and share them at a family dinner or with friends. Did you notice that I wrote share them twice? (smile)

At first, you might find it difficult to share your memories. Every time you do it the memories become lighter, more colourful, perhaps even more joyful. You might even find yourself crying and laughing at the same time.

Will it be easy? Probably not.
Will you enjoy it? Perhaps not always.
Will you feel more at ease? Perhaps.

You can only find your own answers by stepping into the challenge and share your loved one’s life with others.

Let me know how it goes at my website.

From my heart to yours,
Jacqueline

How do you Celebrate Anniversaries?

5/8/2015

Healing for Grieving Hearts supporting your unique grieving process.

Two years ago today my mother died.

Although I worked creatively through my own grieving process and have found a beautiful way of honouring her by helping others, I still feel the sadness when this day comes closer. Plus there is still a little bit of guilt that I wasn’t there in person when she died and I want to give space and healing to these feelings again in the next couple of days.

While you are reading this I will be at the coast of Nova Scotia near Peggy’s Cove. I will be sitting on the rocks, writing a letter to my mother, and remember all the laughs and tears we shared together.

I remember our wonderful travels through Greece, Spain, Germany, and Nova Scotia. Her adventurous spirit when she went onto a wale watching boat with me knowing well that she might get seasick in the middle of it. We had a blast. (smile)

Do you have an upcoming anniversary?
What will you do? Will you be alone or will you share it with friends and family?

It is helpful to have a plan, a ritual for those special days like birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries.

Do you need help to find the right ritual to honour your relationship?

Please take advantage of my free call if you like some input or send me an email and I will be glad to help you.

Blessing to you and yours,
Jacqueline

What is your life's calling?

27/1/2015

Find your life's calling after the loss of a loved one. - HealingForGrievingHearts.com

Last week a friend asked me, how I chose my field of work and why I do what I do. My first thought was to give a spiel about the fact that we all experience grief in our lives at one point.

Then I stopped and realized that isn’t it. My motivation is helping others.

Helping people has always been a part of my life. Even when I was a child I would help the other kids from the neighbourhood with their homework or help my mother look after the little ones in her home day care. Changing diapers, washing an apple sauce face, or singing, playing and creating with the younger children wasn’t a chore for me.

Early on it was clear to me that I wanted to become a teacher. And I did. (smile) There are many things that I don’t like that much about the Swiss school system but the best part is that crafts, woodworking and art are still an important part of the curriculum. I was teaching all subject matters which made it easy to incorporate creative tasks into the learning process. Students with special needs often ended up in my class because everyone knew I would be able to support them in all kinds of creative ways.

Growing up I always had a creative project on the go and in my early twenties I started to pay more attention to my own painting practice. After eleven years as a teacher I decided that it was time to combine my calling to help others with my creative side. Stepping into the four year Art Therapy training was a logical next step.

An internship at a mental health institution gave me insights into depression, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia plus a knowledge of the many implications (good and bad) medications can have.

In 2000, I opened my practice as an art therapist. I helped children with war trauma, school anxiety, and difficult home situations. I supported adults through challenging times in their lives and connected them to their inner strength and resources. Further studies in meditation, mindfulness, and interests in spirituality followed and have become a part of my work.

Since my move to Nova Scotia in 2004 I have worked with autistic children and teens, helped adults find their bearings in difficult life situations and facilitated various art based community development projects.
In 2013 my mother died. Although I had helped many people navigate through difficult life challenges and had experienced dramatic loses in the past myself nothing prepared me for the sadness that accompanied the days, weeks, and months after my mother's death.

All of a sudden I felt like I had forgotten who I was and with my mother gone, no one was there anymore to remind me from time to time.

Since I had no support to find my way through this difficult terrain, I turned to what I already knew. I created little rituals to honour my mother. I painted a lot as a way to express and transform what I was feeling. And I shared my sad feelings only with people who I trusted to listen and not shy away from them.

By taking actions such as these, I discovered that my pain and sadness moved into a new direction. I was able to release the ifs and should-haves and felt a much greater sense of peace and balance. Rather than feeling consumed by grief whenever I thought of my mother, I was able once again to think of her with a smile on my face.

It became clear once more that what I wanted most was helping others.

What is your life's calling?
Is it hidden behind the overwhelming sadness of grief? There are steps you can take too to discover it again.

If you like to talk about your journey and hear about new steps you can take please consider a free Grief Relief call with me. You can find all the information at
http://www.healingforgrievinghearts.com/relieve-grief.html

Take good care,
Jacqueline

Smells that trigger memories

11/11/2014

Smell can trigger memories. http://www.healingforgrievinghearts.com/relieve-grief.html

Last year at this time I was still in the middle of grieving my mother’s death and felt that the darker days of November brought even more sadness.

Sadness because I missed her and remembered all her busy preparations for the holidays.

Next to my brother and I, my mother was looking after ten other children from the neighbourhood. Every year she encouraged all of us to create handcrafted presents for relatives and friends. In November our apartment turned into a craft shop. Brushes, wooden spoons, acrylic paint, wool, and glue made their way onto every free table.

One year the whole apartment building smelt of beeswax for weeks because we all were making our own beeswax candles. It took hours and lots of patience but ever since I love the smell of beeswax.

Which smells do you like that bring you comfort?

I encourage you to find the smells that bring you comfort.
Perhaps it is an herb, an incense, a cream, a perfume or....

If you can’t find it in your household go out and buy it. You don’t need a big quantity of it.

Treat yourself to the comforting smells of your life and bring a smile to your present day. Which smells give you comfort?
Share your stories and smells at www.facebook.com/healingforgrievinghearts

Take good care,
Jacqueline