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Why You Have To Be Proactive When It Comes To Your Feelings

25/12/2019

 
Where do you store your feelings of grief and loss? HealingforGrievingHearts.com
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Where do you store your feelings of loss and grief?

When I lost my mother, I was not prepared for the sadness that accompanied the days, weeks, and months after my mother’s death. It felt like carrying the sadness of every loss I had ever encountered in my heart.

There was nothing holding back the tears. The lid was open and I knew I had to work through my feelings and acknowledge them to be able to heal.

I had to be open to heal into a new me without my mother’s presence but her love still deeply embedded in my heart.

What do I mean when I say the lid was open?

Think of our emotional centre as a pot and our feelings being kept in there by a lid on top of it.

As infants, our feelings move freely in and out. We cry when we are hungry. We laugh out loud when we are happy.

We react spontaneously to our feelings and no-one cares that we do so until we get older.


Then we learn to behave.

Somewhere on the way we also learn that a loss of any kind should be kept to ourselves. That it is a private affair.

Perhaps a grandparent dies and our parents don’t cry in front of us. So we don’t know if they are hurting or not.

Or we hear them cry behind closed doors. The message we get is:  “Don’t show your feelings in public”.

There are many examples.

The following might resonate with you.
  • Our beloved pet dies and we are told not to cry. To be able to cope with the loss we build a wall around that feeling and put it in our emotional pot.
 
  • We move and we are promised that we will get to visit our friends but it never happens. We are building our little wall around that feeling of loss and it goes into the pot too.
 
  • Our first girl or boy friend breaks up with us and we are told “there are plenty of fish in the pond”. Wall around the sadness and in the pot it goes.

More losses follow and soon the pot is full.

We are told not to feel bad so we put a lid on our emotional pot to make sure these feelings don’t bother us.

The lid is pushed down by myths about grief that we hear from all kind of sources and society.
  • Don’t feel bad.
  • Replace the loss.
  • It just takes time.
  • Be strong for others.
  • Move on.

[Would you like to receive this text as a PDF file?]


Emotions Are Energy

Emotions can also be described as energy.

Every day life’s stress adds fire underneath that emotional pot.

We can feel the pot starting to boil over. To avoid the over-boiling we take part in activities that help us feel a release so that we can slam the lid back on.

What do we do?

One thing I used to medicate myself with, was to watch TV. I don’t mean one movie. I mean binge watching a whole series in one night and walking around like a zombie the next day.

Other energy releasing behaviours:
  • Shopping
  • Eating
  • TV, Netflix
  • Fitness
  • Sleeping
  • Internet
  • Social Media
  • Gaming
  • Alcohol and other drugs
  • etc.

What is yours?


What happens when it becomes too much?

"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing." — C.S. Lewis

While our life goes on, our pot gets filled with more tucked away feelings.

The fire of stress might get hotter underneath with more responsibilities of every day life.

Example: If the pot is already full and then you go to work and the other co-workers are mean to you or your boss has an unreasonable request, you might have an explosion of behaviour. I always wonder if road rage has its roots there too.

If you drop one more loss into that already overfilled pot you will probably get an over reaction. An explosion of emotions that can overwhelm you and stop you in your tracks.

You might think that this loss was nothing compared to all the other losses in your life but it was the one that burst the pot open.

All of a sudden you are not dealing with one loss anymore but with all your stored emotions as well.

At that moment, it is important to gather your support system. This can be your friends, your family, or outside help from a therapist.

While the feelings are out in the open, we want to tackle all that accumulated and unresolved grief. It is an energy that you want to acknowledge so that your healing can start.

The illusion that suffering in silence works is just that an illusion. Waiting until things resolve themselves doesn’t help us.

We have to become active.


Why?

“We are designed as processing plants and not storage tanks.” - anonymous



"Just because you feel lost doesn’t mean that you are. Sometimes you just have to relax, breathe deep, and trust the path you’re on." — Lalah Delia

Thank you for reading.

If this resonated with you in any way, please send me a comment.
I do my best to respond to every one.

Would you like to receive this text as a PDF file? 



Lifting layers of grief through art therapy?

17/9/2017

 
Art making opens your soul and expresses what was waiting deep inside. HealingForGrievingHearts.com

​When we are grieving if feels like our brain shuts down. Our focus shifts to the hurt in our heart and soul.

Our normal thought processes are interrupted by the experience of our feelings. More often than not we don’t have any words for what we feel. Our heart clenches. We have difficulties breathing. We long for a moment of peace and quiet inside our torn hearts. 

In our younger years we have experienced loss of love and belonging before. We might have lost a pet, a friendship, a job, or had to move to a new city. Our younger self dealt with these loses. Most often it stored them and packed them away under layers of belief systems, we created, to survive the hurt. 

At one point we encounter a new loss. This one can become the straw that brakes the camel’s back. 

Talking about what is going on inside becomes difficult. We are missing the words that might bring us help. 

This is where art therapy can help because we all think in images. 

Experiment: 

Don’t think of a tree right now. 

No really, don’t think of a tree.

Did you see a tree with your inner eye when you read it? 

Art therapy uses our ability of visual imagery to help us find the expression of our feelings. We don’t have to be artists or have knowledge of art making to do so. Our soul will guide us to find the expression that is helping us the most in that very moment. It will help us to shed layers of sadness and believes that are not necessary anymore. 

By expressing our grief, our sadness, our heart break in a hands-on art making process the soul feels recognized and heard. The healing process starts. 

If you want to know more about art therapy and grief coaching and how it can help you? Follow the link to read more or send me an email.

I am here for you.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

PS: Want to receive these Healing Notes every Sunday by email? Sign up now.


Shame, Loyalty, Rituals and more...

14/3/2017

 
Asking for help and surrounding yourself with supporters is sometimes necessary to reach a new peak. HealingForGrievingHearts.com
Today I was looking through my blog posts. I realized that there are some great ones. (smile)


You might have missed them.


I leave it up to you to dabble in them or just ignore these pointers. 


How Shame can stop you on your Healing path.
Grieving brings up many overwhelming feelings. Shame can be one of them. I share thoughts inspired by Elizabeth Gilbert.  


Does the Feeling of Loyalty keep you from Healing?
This post is about loyalty and what it can mean to your healing process. 


Do I need art therapy/counselling?  
Most of us don’t need outside help from an art therapist to get through the grieving process. So when should you look into it? 


What is your life’s calling?
I am giving a short overview how it came about that I chose my profession/calling as an art therapist. 


Special Days in your life: My mother’s birthday.
It is just that a look at my mother’s birthday and the rituals that I created to honour her and heal my broken heart.  I would like to inspire you to create your own rituals. 


Wisdom Grows in Quiet Places 
This is a post about stillness. 


I hope you will find something in this list that will make you feel less overwhelmed and more connected to your own unique healing path. 


Like always you can get in touch if you want to speak or have questions. I am happy to answer your call or email. 


Take good care,
Jacqueline




PS: If you like to talk to someone outside your inner circle about the grief you experience click on the phone and make an appointment for a free call. ☎️ 
This free offer is open to former Healing for Grieving Hearts clients too. 

Are there any stages of grief?

28/2/2017

 
Follow the rope or skip it when you feel like it. It is you that decides. HealingForGrievingHearts.com

I get asked that question a lot. So here is what I say to those that aren't sure:

There are no clearly defined stages of grief. Every person grieves in their unique way. Trying to put anyone into a defined stage of grief only leads to more hurt.

Suppose anyone approaches us with their feelings of grief. We should just be quiet, open our hearts and listen to that person without judgment or advice. It is OK to say to them that we have no words (for their grief).

Even if we have experienced loss ourselves in the past, we still don't know how our friends or family members feel when they experience the death of a loved one. We don't know what they are feeling. Grief has no clearly defined rules or timelines.

Please be there for each other, keep your heart open and your mouth shut (smile).

​Listening from your heart is the most significant gift you can give in any grief situation.

Take good care,
Jacqueline


I am thinking of you today

14/2/2017

 
wisdom is nothing more than healed pain - author unknown - HealingForGrievingHearts.com

Today I take you in my arms and hold you in a gentle hug.

A hug that includes all the loved ones we are missing today.
A hug that might send a smile to your lips while thinking of them. 
A hug that gives you warmth and understanding for the pain in your heart. 

I am here for you. 

Take good care,
Jacqueline


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    Author

    Jacqueline Steudler is an Art Therapist and Grief Recovery Specialist®.
    ​
    Her program 
    Healing For Grieving Hearts enables you to move from overwhelming grief to a new sense of purpose. The program includes mindful action steps and therapeutic art interventions. Jacqueline facilitates the program in person or by Zoom. 
    http://www.healingforgrievinghearts.com

    Book a FREE 30-minute call.

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