Category: Grieving Process

Is mourning like breathing in and breathing out?

26/7/2016

The gentle Healing for Grieving Hearts program will help you to navigate through your unique grieving process.

You have lost someone. Each day unfolds in different ways and your mood changes.

How you feel right now might vary from two hours ago.

Grief is like a stress reaction. Our mind and body try to deal with a situation that implements a threat to our well-being. Like any other stress reaction it isn’t static nor the same for anyone.

Even if you have the feeling your grief is always there, if you look at your day closely you will experience that there are moments of relief.

Relief happens in small or brooder increments. Relief can happen when you work, when you are with others, when you read a book, when you do your laundry or cook. After those moments you might dive back into mourning.

Our focus moves back and forth between our loss and its implications and our immediate world with others and the present.

It is like many other processes in our body. We breathe in, we breathe out. We sleep, we are awake. Our muscles tens, our muscles relax.

We cannot breath in and out at the same time. We do it in cycles.

These cycles help us to stay healthy and engaged. These moments of relief show us our vigor and build upon our strengths.

Do you agree?
How do you experience your grief?

Let me know. I am happy to start a dialogue. I will answer all emails personally.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

Are you Grieving or are you Healing?

19/4/2016

It is your Healing Path - HealingForGrievingHearts.com

At a networking event last week a woman told me that she had looked after her mother for the last couple of years.

Her mother had Alzheimer's. She had to say good-bye to the mother that had raised her, to the friend that had been there for her when no-one else was, to the laughter and hardships of life they had shared. The strong woman she had known disappeared before her eyes.

Going through that process she grieved all these parts of their life together. She said good-bye to her mother in many ways over the years.

A few months back her mother died. Her friends tell her that she is now finally able to grief the loss of her mother.

She told me that it was not grief that she was feeling. “I’m in a state of healing after all the years of saying good-bye. Finally I’m able to heal.”

In that instance, I could feel the love she shared with her mother and the joy of her soul that she spoke her truth.

Wherever you are on your healing path take one step at the time to move forward. You are healing.

What is it you need to move from overwhelming grief to a calmer state of healing?

If you feel OK to share your experience please do so in the comments. You might just help someone else.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

PS: If the tears don't stop and you need a compassionate and listening person outside your usual circle of friends and family I'm here. I offer you a free Grief Relief call. You will find clarity, release stagnant feelings, and move towards healing. Please get in touch by email jacqueline(at)healingforgrievinghearts.com or phone at +1-902-237-5011 to schedule a convenient time.

How do you feel about receiving?

26/1/2016

Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it. -Rabindranath Tagore - HealingforGrievingHearts.com

In my last post I told you about my pending surgery and my fear of loosing control.

In the end I just feel very humbled by the care and support I received.

Yes, I had to give up control but at the same time I received the care and expertise of doctors and nurses that knew what to do when I felt nauseated by the medications or overwhelmed by getting out of bed for the first time. (smile)

Friends and family were there for me with their healing thoughts and wonderful food. (smile)

I am still recovering and I am taking one day at a time. I focus on what is most important at each moment like relationships with friends, family and clients, and the love I feel for life itself.

I will take care of myself by balancing my activities, take even more time in nature, and by incorporating the advices I give my clients: (smile)

reach out for help
receive support
take nurturing breaks
meditate
be creative

How do you feel when you open up to receive?
Please share your thoughts with me. I will answer each email.

I will be happy to make time for you. (smile)

Blessings,
Jacqueline

Create a ritual...

8/12/2015

Candles, chorals, green needle branches with red ribbons, every day little gifts till Christmas Eve, and the smell of cookies being freshly backed. This is what I remember from my childhood.

What I am missing most next to my mother is the home baked Christmas cookies. My mother was a master in cooking and baking and we always helped kneading, decorating and eating them as we went along.

I am a strong believer in rituals and the comfort they can give you.

Every year I am falling short on my ‘would like to do’ rituals before Christmas. (smile) With it comes often the feeling that I am letting my mother down by not continuing her legacy she had instilled in us.

While I’m writing this I realize that the memories of her and her way of bringing light, humor, and warmth into my life comforts me to this day.

Perhaps you and I have to become still.

Instead of stepping into a rush of activity it might be better just to reflect on these warm and beautiful moments that we shared with our loved ones.

It might become a new ritual to talk about all the things my mother did to make Christmas special. (smile)

Do you want to give it a try as well?
Let me know how it went.

From my heart to yours,
Jacqueline

November 11th, 2015

11/11/2015

Share your memories to help you move forward in your grieving process.

Holidays are coming our way.

With them there might be even more reminders of the times we had
with our loved ones.

But instead of dreading these reminders I am challenging you to embrace them.

Yes, step gently into your fun and sad memories.

Share them, laugh about them, write them down and share them at a family dinner or with friends. Did you notice that I wrote share them twice? (smile)

At first, you might find it difficult to share your memories. Every time you do it the memories become lighter, more colourful, perhaps even more joyful. You might even find yourself crying and laughing at the same time.

Will it be easy? Probably not.
Will you enjoy it? Perhaps not always.
Will you feel more at ease? Perhaps.

You can only find your own answers by stepping into the challenge and share your loved one’s life with others.

Let me know how it goes at my website.

From my heart to yours,
Jacqueline

How can art therapy help when I grieve?

27/10/2015

Art Therapy Heals your Soul and Heart - HealingForGrievingHearts.com

Ten days ago the Canadian Art Therapy Association annual conference was held here in Nova Scotia. I helped organize it and presented a part of the Healing for Grieving Hearts program to my fellow peers.

It was a great conference. (smile) It assured me once more how important the therapeutic art interventions are that I have integrated into the Healing for Grieving Hearts program.

Why does art therapy work?

We all think in images that are unique to each of us. If I would say: “Think of a tree”, all of you would have a different tree in mind. Was it an oak, evergreen, an ash, a maple tree, a tree in bloom or a fall tree or...? Let me know I am curious. (smile)

Our images and thoughts are unique and shaped by what we have encountered in the past. The therapeutic art interventions help to tap into the feelings that don’t seem to have any words. Bring them to light and healing with colours, shapes, and symbols.

How can it help when you are grieving?

When you lose someone your heart might be overwhelmed with all the sadness and new realities that come your way. It might shut down a bit to protect itself until it is ready again to open up and see a new future.

Therapeutic art interventions help your heart and your soul to express what you might not be able to in front of family and friends. In art therapy there is no right or wrong. All of your images are yours and will help you move through your unique grieving process. You will be surprised to see how hidden resources come to the fore-front.

If you want to know more don’t shy away to get in touch with me. I am happy to help. Please take advantage of my 30 minute free call at http://www.healingforgrievinghearts.com/relieve-grief.html

Take good care,
Jacqueline

After the conference an art therapist friend of mine wrote: I wanted to say that I think your presentation was fantastic. I talked to a few other participants that felt the same, thanks so much. ~ Katie

Yes, this made my day. (smile)

Where do You find a Quiet Moment?

7/10/2015

Where do you find quiet moments to support your healing process? www.HealingForGrievingHearts.com

Last week we were able to witness a blood moon. Did you see the lunar eclipse?

The weather in Nova Scotia was cooperative and we had a mild and clear night.

When it started our backyard was lit up like always when there is a full moon. Forty-five minutes later the backyard was dark, the stars visible and the moon turned red.

I took the photo above about one hour into the lunar eclipse. I felt connected to so many of my friends that were watching at the same time in various places of the world. I also felt deeply connected to my loved ones that have passed away.

The very moment I thought it couldn't get more magnificent a shooting star became visible right next to the moon.

In that moment it felt like nothing else mattered anymore than this moment in time. It had a calming and joyful effect on me and I still feel it when I see the blood moon in my minds eye.

Nature can have a calming influence on your mood. Being outside feeling the wind on your skin can help you with your grieving process.

For the coming weeks I wish for you to find those still moments in time where you can feel connected to the calm of nature, to your loved ones, or even the Universe.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

Will I ever stop crying?

23/9/2015

“Will I ever stop crying?”
This is a question some of my clients ask when they first get in touch with me. Another one is: “Is it normal to cry so much?”

My answer is a clear ‘Yes’ to both questions.

When you lose someone or are going through any other challenging time in life your inner emotions can be in turmoil and some days you might feel like on an emotional roller-coaster. Those emotions are stressful.

Your body will find a way to release the pressure.

Crying is a good thing. It is natural. It is a release for your emotions and helps you to find your inner balance again.

Crying is not a weakness. It is a human response to sorrow, pain, anger, shame, grief, despair, sadness and even joy.

I have been brought up with the notion that it was okay to cry and show feelings in a constructive manner. My spouse on the other hand had an upbringing where tears were looked at as weakness. He still has a hard time when I tear up but I won’t stop showing my emotions. I know that it wouldn’t be healthy if I would put a lid on them.

“When will I stop crying?”

Like I said above the tears are a sign of emotions that need to be acknowledged. When you feel the tears coming, ask yourself: “What do I feel right now?”

It might be hard to have an answer in the beginning. Take your time and let the tears flow. Over time your soul and heart will open up and give you answers.

Do you need to talk to someone outside your family that understands the stream of tears? Give me a call, I am here for you.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

When a death leads to a course change in life

2/9/2015

Summer seems to be over not only because many go back to work, school and study but also nature has decided to bring in some change. The air felt cooler yesterday and some leaves have turned yellow over night.

  I was on vacation for the last two weeks and enjoyed the time to reflect, read and just be. If you have followed my emails for a while you know that my mother died two years ago.   

Her death changed the course of my life.   

Although I had helped people all my working life, first as a school teacher and since 2000 as an art therapist, I had never felt the urge to become absolutely clear about what I was meant to bring to the world until my mother died.  

At the time I worked as an art therapist helping people of all ages through challenging times. I enjoyed my own artistic practice to stay grounded and sane plus I enjoy painting with bold colour combinations. (smile)

I looked for help to find my true calling, while still guiding myself through the pain of my mothers death.   A program called ‘4 Pillars Program/Partnering with the Soul of your Business’ caught my eye and I got in touch with Susanna Maida. She is a heart centred business coach that has a down to earth approach to life and business.

  Working with her in a small group of other women entrepreneurs became the turning point for me. Very fast it became clear that I still loved my work as an art therapist.   

Susanna’s ability to listen deeply and reflect back to me of what I had gone through with my own grief and how I had worked through it by using the knowledge of therapeutic art interventions, lead in the end to my creation of the Healing For Grieving Hearts program.
A training in Princeton* in the Grief Recovery Process added extra insights. *(not through the University (smile))   

Since May 2014, I have been blessed to work with amazing women that have lost a loved one. They have stepped into the grieving process of honouring their relationships and have found a new grounded place in their lives. I thank them for their openness, trust, and honesty.  

Would you like to share your story of transformation that a loss has brought to your life? 

Please don’t hesitate to get in touch here or by phone at
+1-902-237-5011.

Take good care, 

Jacqueline  

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Grief explained by an old man

19/8/2015

Grief is like the Ocean it comes in waves.... www.HealingForGrievingHearts.com

A beautiful story of grief, scars that deep love leaves behind, the crashing waves of sadness that overwhelm you sometimes.

We don't know where it originated and I don't know who wrote it but the following resonated deeply with me.

I share a part of it here and you can find the whole text at: http://www.tickld.com/x/old-man-explains-death-and-life-to-grieving-young-man

I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not.

I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents...

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. But I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it.   Scars are a testament to life.

Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.

As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life. ... more at http://www.tickld.com/x/old-man-explains-death-and-life-to-grieving-young-man

Does this story resonate with you?
In what way?

Get in touch to tell me about your experience. I offer free phone sessions.

Get the Healing Notes here.

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