Blog Posts

Love Is A Huge Gift

5/8/2018

The last month has been heartbreaking.

You remember that our cat wasn’t well in the spring. She bounced back and we thought everything was OK. We thought/hoped that she had gotten over the hump and that she would live with us for another couple of years.

A month ago, she didn’t come home from her day outside. Over the last couple of years, she always stayed very close to the house. And even closer since she didn’t feel that well.

She always heard when I started to cook supper.

Immediately, I would have company in the kitchen.

She would wait for us to sit down for our meal. I don’t know when it started but over the last couple of years, she would get a few drops of cream on a small old plate on the floor. And we all ate together. (smile)

Later, she would spend the evening on one of our laps.

This isn’t happening anymore, because a month ago she didn’t return home.

We searched everywhere. We talked to neighboors, called all the shelters and vets, put up posters, and listed her missing on the local FB group.

We are coming to terms with the fact that she will not return. That she might have followed nature's call and went into hiding to die.

Every evening our heart breaks a bit more because she isn’t around anymore to share a meal with us.

Love is a huge gift and she has touched us deeply over the last ten years.

We are grieving the loss of our little companion. The loss of our fun times together, our rituals, our connection, and her trust that she gifted us with.

Our love for her will always be a part of us.

I am humbled again by my own grief that has enveloped me. I know it will get easier but we will always miss her and love her.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

PS: I will take a few weeks off to recharge, traveling around Nova Scotia with friends, and spend some time in my art studio. (smile)

You can always reach me by email at jacqueline(at)healingforgrievinghearts.com

The Most Difficult Time For The Detained Children

24/6/2018

Children's-Trust-HealingForGrievingHearts

I hope you are doing well on this first weekend of summer.

Yesterday, I was drawn into the news by new images of the children detained by the US government.

Some of the images and one special audio file made me cry again for the children being left in this inhuman situation.

I want to talk about my concern for the children.

I am using an example from my own life. It doesn’t come close to what these children go through right now. But will illustrate how easy a child is changed by events out of its control.

When I was nine months old my family faced a difficult financial time. My mother had to step in to provide for the family. My older brother was looked after by my grandmother living in the same house. She didn’t feel comfortable to look after a nine months old baby as well.

So my mother had to make the hard decision to send her nine months old girl to her own family that lived six hours away. (An expensive day trip at that time.)

For the first six months I lived with my godfather and his family. During that time I learned to walk and to talk. The many photos show a happy toddler with her cousins.

Then my aunt got sick and my other grandmother looked after me for another three months. She did her best but she was not at all impressed with that toddler that hadn’t learned yet to use the potty. (smile)

When I was ‘returned’ to my mother I didn’t recognize her.

You wonder perhaps, if I remember anything of that time at all?

Yes and no. Lots of my memories have been planted in me by others that told me the stories about my time away from my birth family.

After my mother had passed, I found beautiful loving letters from my aunt that she had written during that time. She talked about me and how I integrated into the family and had started to call my godfather 'Papa'. My mother had kept them all those years. I am happy to still have them.

Almost all my life I have struggled with a feeling of not knowing where I belong.

And yes, I thought out help with my difficulty to trust in intimate relationships.

You see, something was lost during that time away from my parents. It influenced some of my relationships and life decisions.

Taking children of all ages away from their parents will influence their future as well. I was in a loving environment. These children are in a unthinkable terrifying situation. Nothing has prepared them for this. How will they ever understand why they are not with their mothers and fathers.

I am grieving for the trust in others that has been taken away from the children.

I am grieving the decision makers missing empathy.

I am grieving.

Love and blessings,
Jacqueline

Have You Ever Thought Of An Internet Detox? Me Neither

20/5/2018

Healing-For-Grieving-Hearts-Jacqueline-Steudler

Over the last two weeks we have been battling with a bad Internet connection.

I don’t know how much time you spend on the Internet to get tasks done or surfing the web for research and connect to others on social media. I realized that lots of my work involves a stable internet connection.

It has been a frustrating time to say the least. The only solution we have left is to sign up for better internet speed. So on Tuesday, this will be taken care of.

Next to the frustration, I realized how much I have become dependent on the online work-flow.

Not having that possibility all the time at my finger tips was also a good thing. For instance I didn’t miss social media at all.

Yes, I do like that I can reach more people at far away places through Facebook. Yes, I do like that I can help people that have lost a loved one by being their online sounding board or pointing them to an online resource.

What I don’t like on social media is the noise of news I wasn’t looking for and the sometimes unfiltered expression of opinions.

What happened in the last two weeks instead?

I spent more time with friends and family. And more time in my studio creating new collages. The one above is one of my new creations. (Just having fun with my home-made marbling paper and collaging.)

When we get back on Tuesday, to being fully connected again, I would like to keep my online time restricted.

Have you ever imposed an Internet or social media detox?

What were your experiences?

Do you think that not being online would help your grieving process?

Or do you feel that being connected online to other grievers is so helpful that you wouldn’t want to miss it.

Wishing you two weeks of new personal connections on and off line. (smile)

My Garden Is My Happy Place

6/5/2018

Spring at last in Nova Scotia.

If you are not in these parts at home you might wonder why I declare spring only now.

Spring starts for me when the first leaves come out on a particular tree in our backyard.
Today, it happened.

The first leaves are out. They are small and fragile. The lush green is so wonderful to see - again.

A sunny warm day brought me out into the garden to tackle all kinds of weed. It is a hands-on job on my knees. It is not always comfortable to hunker down like that but the smell.

The smell of the fresh earth and the green gras just make my heart sing.

I was reminded again how important it is to dig in the earth. To take in the smells, and letting long forgotten memories pass me by while doing my work.

I felt tired afterwards but also rewarded and happy.

Did you know that multiple studies have shown how playing in the dirt can have a drastic impact on our mental health?

Here is a great short article by Alanna Ketler

So get out there if you feel a bit down. If you don’t have a garden yourself go to a public garden and put your hands into the soil.

Take off your shoes and walk the ground.

Have fun playing and getting dirty. (smile)

Take good care,

Jacqueline

What matters to me most? It is the ones that I love.

22/4/2018

It has been two weeks of emotional stress. A good friend was so kind to bring me a plant as a late birthday gift.

What we both didn't realize or knew was that it can be a fatal idea to bring a lily into a household with pets.

Our cat got sick. First we didn't realize how serious it was. She vomited. She had the shakes. And then she stopped eating.

That was the moment I took her to the vet. When I told the doctor about all the symptoms she immediately asked: Do you have any lilies in your household?

The answer was unfortunately yes.

The blood and kidney levels had to be checked. The results were bad. I had to bring our cat to the emergency clinic. And she had to stay there for two days on IV fluids to flush out the toxins.

Then she came home and every night we had to put her back on the drip to get 150 ml under her skin. (Not a pleasant experience for all of us.)

Our cat is now much better and soon we can stop the regular IV drip. She does eat normal again and is enjoying the outside.

Why do I tell you this story?

The anticipatory grief was sometimes overwhelming. Blaming myself that I didn't know about the harm lilies can cause didn't help either.

I was reminded how fast a life can be lost. How fast a situation can change. That I can't keep everyone safe.

It also made me realize again what matters to me most. It is the ones that I love.

If you know what I mean go and give your loved ones a hug.

Tell them that you love them.

And keep lilies away from pets.

Take good care,
Jacqueline

PS: Do you know how many poisonous house plants there are? Here is an impressive list.

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Love Is A Huge Gift

The Most Difficult Time For The Detained Children

Have You Ever Thought Of An Internet Detox? Me Neither

My Garden Is My Happy Place

What matters to me most? It is the ones that I love.

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